Sara sat slouched at her desk trying to concentrate on her maths. It was already quite late, but it had to be done before tomorrow or she fail the test that she knew was coming. Sara sighed and glanced out her window, she wanted so much to have gone out with Xani and Juli that night but Master Adu-Reil had reminded her about the importance of studying. Sara sighed again and began scribbling pictures next to her work. Secretly she wished that the grate above her head would scrap and Xani’s face would appear inviting her to get away from it all and visit Barin who was also confined. From the front of apartment she heard the door bell and the shuffle of Adu-reil as she got up to answer it. Sara chewed absentmindedly on the end of her stylus as she stared at the questions in front of her, she didn’t really care who was at the door, it was usually her Master's friends and in that case Sara was quite content to stay in her room and work. Still chewing on her pen she reached over with the other hand and turned up the music player in her room. Over the top of the music Sara, barely caught the conversation in the main hall. “I’m sorry to intrude Master Grien, but I was wondering if Sara was in.” “Why of course.” Sara glanced up and reached for the volume control so she could hear the voices more clearly. “She’s studying at the moment Xanatos, so maybe it would be better if she wasn’t disturbed.” Adu-reil said. From inside her room Sara threw down the pen and sprinted to the door, Xani was here! Her knight in shinning armour had come to save her from the evil maths dragon. Sara grinned at the thought as she paused just behind the door. “I think she should hear it now." Qui-gon’s voice rich and mellow in it's insistence “It is rather important, Master Grien.” Xanatos chimed in, his voice hoarse and tired. She threw open the door and raced towards him her eyes alight. “Xani!” Sara cried happily. It was something in Xanatos’ expression that slowed her, his face was deadly white and there were rings about his eyes. It was, however, his eyes themselves that made her slow and stare at him her heart beating a hundred miles an hour they held messages of doom and destruction and Sara found herself suddenly apprehensive. “Xani?” Sara asked quietly. “Sara.” Xani held out his arms and wrapped them tight around her when she hugged him. For a long moment they just stood there and Sara sensed a terrible battle going on in Xanatos’ body. Feelings of pain and loss swept over them both and Sara glanced up her apprehension turning to fear at the sorrow written in his face. “Are you sure you want to do this Xanatos?” Qui-gon asked. Xani nodded and the Sara swallowed the fear of what he had to tell her forming a tight knot in Sara’s belly. “She deserves to know.” Xani said. “Know what?” Sara asked but Xanatos didn’t say anything. “Yes I would like to know too.” Adu-reil said sharply, “Is my padawan in trouble Qui-gon?” “Not at all Adu-reil.” Qui-gon said smoothly, his face turned into a picture of forced calmness as he added, “It is about Sara’s friend Barin.” “Barin?” Sara asked. Xani’s hand tightened on her shoulder and she Sara felt full blown fear rising up through her, neither Jedi said anything and Sara began to assume the worst. Maybe something had happened to Barin, what if he had had an accident? What if he was dead? “Is he alright?” She asked Xanatos, “He’s not hurt is he? Oh Xani please say that Barin is okay.” “I really think I need to explain this to you alone.” Xanatos said softly but the tone in his voice spoke more then his words. It was so parental, so calm that Sara felt a sick salty taste at the back of her mouth. Something was dreadfully wrong. She glanced at Xanatos’ face trying to catch a glimpse of what the matter might be, but Xani’s face expressionless and cold. The only animated thing about his body with its stiff posture and stoic look, was his eyes. The normal midnight blue had turned black with barely concealed pain. Xani caught her glancing up at him and gave a smile but it barely reached his lips before it was swallowed in the misery, Xani squeezed her hand and lead her to her bedroom. Behind them Sara could hear her Master asking Qui-gon if he wanted tea, but she didn’t care. Her mind was in turmoil. What had happened to Barin? Was he hurt? Had he been in an accident? Xani would fix whatever was wrong with Barin because that was the sort of person Xani was…kind, caring, and compassionate. Sara was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she barely noticed that they had reached her bed and Xani was trying to get her to sit down. She wouldn’t, she clung to his arm fearing the worst. “What is going on?” Sara asked, “Xani you have to tell me.” “It’s about Barin.” Xani said his face calm but his voice had a slightly strangled edge to it as if it hurt him to tell her. “Has he had an accident? He is okay? The healers can...” She trailed away and Sara bit her bottom lip, “He’s not dead is he?” She asked breathlessly. “Please say he isn’t dead.” Her mind was in turmoil again, she wanted to find out so desperately but there was an unspoken plea in Xanatos’ face that told her that he feared telling her, that he didn’t want to tell her because it would hurt her. “Xani” She pleaded, “I must know, I really must. You have to tell me if Barin’s dead, I can handle that. I promise…Xani please.” Now there was an edge to her voice too and tears rising in the back of her eyes as she contemplated what would happen if Barin had died. Poor Master Vaarn... “He’s not dead, Sara. Barin’s gone...” Xani said, the boy took a deep breath and then finished his sentence all in a rush like he convincing even himself that it was true. “To the dark side. Barin’s gone to the dark side.” Sara stared at him not comprehending. To the dark side? Her mind asked softly. Sara had been prepared to hear that Barin had been injured even prepared to hear that he had died but not this. Not the dark side. Sara felt Xani wrap his arms around her but she continued to stare at him. He couldn’t have gone, her mind whispered fretfully, Barin couldn’t have gone. Slowly the shock disappeared only to be replaced by mind-numbing pain that tore through Sara’s heart. A sob jerked tearfully through her throat. She clung to Xani clutching at his clothing as he rocked her slowly. “I couldn’t stop him.’ Xani repeated softly, “I couldn’t stop him, he was there and I couldn’t stop him...” Pain was replaced by remorse and remorse by anger and anger burnt itself into the doubt that had began to grow into Sara’s brain. She couldn’t believe him, She wouldn’t believe him. Barin would never turn to the dark side because Barin wasn’t like that, he was too good for that. She suddenly found Xanatos hateful. He was lying to her, tricking her in some way. She felt Xani glancing down at her but she wouldn’t look at him. Anger and doubt joined together and gripped Sara so hard that she lashed out with her hand catching Xani in the chest. She wanted to hurt him, like he had hurt her by lying about Barin. He grabbed her wrist but she wrenched away from him and ran to the other side of the room where she careened into the her desk. The music player wobbled on its stand and then crashed onto the ground giving a strangled moan. Sara didn't even notice it, she just stood there clutching at the edge of the desk, panting heavily. She wanted desperately to sob but the anger was too strong. “Sara.” Xani said pleading with her, but she wouldn’t look at him only glancing at the carpet until the lines blurred in her tears. “Go away.” Sara said, “You’re lying. Barin would never turn to the dark side.” “Sara, he did. I’m not lying.” She heard the edge in Xani’s voice and fought the urge to look at him. If she did, she would see that what he said was true and she didn’t want to see that, not yet. “No.” Sara sobbed, “No. No. NO! You’re lying. You have to be lying.” He advanced on her trying to calm her down but Sara backed away around the desk her feet crunching on broken plastic until she bumped into the wall. Seizing his opportunity Xani advanced on her and wrapped his arms around her, making her sink softly onto the floor. Sara wouldn’t look at him, struggling to get away from him, from his lies about Barin. From the truth. “Sara, I’m not lying.” Xani said his voice breaking with emotion as he struggled to contain her, “He tried to kill Master Vaarn.” “Master Vaarn?” Sara repeated suddenly sitting still as the new information seeped in, but it was still too much. The doubt was still there, lingering. “Barin wouldn’t do that. He and Master Vaarn were so close, why would he hurt his master Xani? You’re wrong, it must have been a mistake.” “There’s no mistake, he tried to kill his Master.” Xani whispered softly tightening his grip as Sara stopped struggling. “My master and Master Windu tried to stop him but they couldn’t.” “No.” Sara replied shaking her head, “No, he wouldn’t do that...” “Sara,” Xanatos said raising her head towards him and this time Sara had to look into his eyes. What she saw shocked her into stillness. Raw pain shone in Xanatos’ eyes. “Now to do you believe me?” He asked. Great sobs tore at her throat and chest until she could barely move but Xanatos just held her and stroked her hair gently. He spoke soothingly into Sara’s ear until she had stopped crying and just clung to him. They sat for a long time in silence on the floor as the lamps in Sara’s room cast flickering shadows around them. “He left me you know.” Xani spoke first, one hand curling around Sara’s hair. “He promised he would never leave me but he did.” Sara twisted a tear-streaked face towards him and clutched at his shoulder trying to give support and comfort. Xanatos made a noise that sounded like was trying to suppress a sob and then he tried to smile at her but it didn’t work. “We were supposed to meet up remember.” Xanatos said, “You, me, and Juli except you couldn’t go because you were late and Barin because Master Vaarn had confined him to the temple. I was late getting to the meeting place because of the traffic and then when I got there-“ Xanatos stopped gulping a mouthful of air. Sara could sense that he didn’t want to go on. “Please Xani,” she said more calmly then she felt, “if you don’t want to tell me then don’t.” “I have to Sara,” Xanatos’ eyes were pitch-black and he was shaking slightly, “you have to know.” There was silence for a few seconds and Sara pressed her other hand onto his chest feeling the swirl of emotions. She wished she could take the pain away from him, from both of them make it all disappear. Sara found herself starting to hate Barin, hate him for hurting her for hurting Xanatos. “What happened?” Sara asked finally when she was beginning to think Xani was going to go on at all. “He raped her.” Xani mumbled. “Who?” Sara asked unbelieving. “He raped Juli. When I got there, I saw him. He was raping her; she was unconscious. I asked him what he was doing and he said he didn’t know and then he told me to look after you and then he ran away. I couldn’t stop him Sara. He left me. I couldn’t stop him.” Xani gave a few strangled sobs and then bent his head letting the fringe of black hair block her view of his eyes. Sara felt a sort of sick roil through her stomach No one deserved that. Not even Juli. “He left me.” She heard Xanatos murmur it to himself more then to her, "How could he do that?" “Xani?” Sara used the name as a test reaching out for him. When he looked up she could see the tears that had run down his face. Sara reached up and brushed the tear away with her fingers wanting to brush away his hurt just as much but knowing she could not. “He left me Sara.” Xanatos said, “He promised he would never leave me and he did.” He looked so heartbroken as he ran his hands through his hair and his shoulders bunched together. Sara untangled her arms from his and hugged him stroking his hair just like he had done for her. They held each other for a long time, her stroking his hair as he sat numbly in her arms. He shifted and looked up at her, his eyes full of promise and hurt. "I promise that I’ll never hurt you like that.” Xanatos whispered, “Shh, Xani.” Sara whispered, she reached up and kissed him hard on the lips, “I know you won’t. I know you’ll always be there for me. And I'll be there for you. I won’t leave you Xani.” Sara promised in his ear, “I will never leave you." |
 |
| If you have enjoyed this story please consider leaving feedback, no matter how short or long. Many thanks! Add Comment |
| Comfort By Kit |
|