| BETRAYAL, TRUST AND TRUTHFULNESS BY Kit Part Two: TRUST *** "Sara?" Qui-Gon's voice came muffled through the door. "Sara?" Sara rolled over and lay staring at the ceiling. She didn’t want to get up and answer the door. Getting up would involve letting Qui-Gon see her tear-stained face and worse having to sit near Xanatos over dinner. I don’t think I will even be able to sit at the same table as him, Sara thought, What if talks to me? If he asks me something? What if he asks me to pass the potatoes? "Sara? Is everything alright?" Qui-Gon asked. "It's okay." Sara tried to sound like she was coming down with something. Her throat sounded awful anyway from crying too much and it wasn’t as she was going to have to fake feeling miserable. "I don’t feel very good though." The door clicked open. Qui-Gon stood just inside his bulk making an impressive shadow across Sara’s floor. He came across, sat down on the edge of her bedspread, and raised one gentle hand to her forehead. Sara glanced away refusing to meet his eyes. "You’re definitely pale." Qui-Gon said after a moment, "But you don’t have a temperature." There was a drawn out moment and then Qui-Gon asked, "Is there something else that is bothering you?" Sara shook her head not trusting her voice. She hated lying, but telling Qui-Gon would be worse. If she did, he would bring Xanatos in and talk to him. Then he would get Xani to talk to her and it would bring the entire episode up again. At the moment, Sara just wanted to forget that it ever happened. "I just don’t feel one hundred percent," she whispered. That at least was the truth. "Okay Monnie." Qui-Gon said letting the issue go. At the mention of her pet name, Sara fought down an urge to start crying again. She struggled briefly for control and found it. "Maybe if you ate something you might feel better." Qui-Gon said. It was a simple suggestion but it made Sara feel sick. Eating would involve going to the dining room, and going to the dining room would involve seeing him. She shook her head. "Perhaps I should have said that you will eat something." Qui-Gon said his eyebrow inching up his forehead. "We have fresh muja juice." He tempted. Sara sighed and threw back the bed covers; it looked like Qui-Gon wasn’t going to let her get away without having dinner. Qui-Gon smiled at her, his blue eyes sympathetic and kind. Sara followed him through the lounge room and into the kitchen. Xani was already there; seated at the table his blue eyes expressionless and his face a bland mask. He refused to look at her, keeping his eyes on his food instead. Sara felt a lump rising in her throat but she forced herself to keep walking. Maybe if she could show she was tougher then he had expected he would feel guilty. One part of her argued that If she didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he had hurt her then Xani would leave her alone, another part wanted to break down and cry right there, or at least scream at him until he hurt as much as she was hurting right now. Sara managed, although she didn't know how, to sit down at the table opposite him without crying. Trying to force away the images of him kissing Juli she concentrated on her food instead. For a few moments, they ate in silence. Sara tried desperately to enjoy the food but it tasted like cardboard and every time she swallowed, she felt like she was going to choke. Xani glanced at her from under his lashes and then across at the potatoes. Sara felt apprehension build inside, he was going to ask her something and that would mean she would have to reply to him. If he talked to her, then her carefully constructed façade would crumble and she would begin to cry. Sara refused to look at him, perhaps if he couldn't call her attention then he couldn't ask her anything, with deliberate care not to look up she began to push food around her plate. * From the head of the table, Qui-Gon glanced between the two padawans with a growing feeling of concern. Even in the soft kitchen lighting the tear marks were starkly evident on Sara’s face and by the wobble of her lower lip she was obviously straining to keep control of both her face and her emotions. Both padawans were refusing to look directly at each other, but would steal covert glances every now and again. Neither of them were eating either, Xani had attempted a few mouthfuls, but Sara had only managed one before she had begun pushing food around her plate. Qui-Gon decided that he would have to talk to his padawan after Sara had gone to bed. Xanatos opened his mouth to speak and Sara glanced at him. Her eyes went wide and then she stood up in a hurry, her face white and tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. "I don’t feel well." Sara blurted out, "May I be excused?" "Of course." Qui-Gon replied automatically. Sara almost ran towards the open door of her bedroom. Qui-Gon turned to ask his apprentice what the matter was. Xanatos was staring after Sara, a mixture of hurt, pride arrogance and considerable guilt shone for a few seconds. "May I ask what that was about padawan?" Qui-Gon asked. Xani’s expression cleared as soon as he looked at his Master. "She had a rough day. We had an argument, of sorts." Xanatos explained simply his face open and appealing. Qui-Gon couldn’t help feeling his padawan was not being entirely truthful. "What were you going to say before? The thing that seemed to make Sara so upset?" Qui-Gon inquired. Xani paused from pushing his food around with his fork and then glanced at his Master his deep blue eyes confused. "Oh that?" Xani softly, "I was only going to ask her if she could pass me the potatoes." |
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