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THE I.R.S COMES TO CORUSCANT
By Daphne

**********

An-Paj paced the floor of the healers. If only Master Yoda didn't insist on each department within the Temple going through this pointless bit of accounting! Sighing, he realized that it would be so bad except... Sith.

If Jinn and Kenobi could stay out of trouble for 5 seconds the books might actually balance for once.

Turning to Master Yoda and the Sith of an accountant sitting next to him he wondered how to convince the little green troll and that sniveling darkside bureaucrat that that particular Master and Padawan pair were the source of all his trouble.

Suddenly it came to him. Whether inspired out of revenge - surely not, that was of the darkside - or merely the spicy Bantha roast his 4th wife had prepared for dinner last night he would never know. Sitting down he shared his plan.

"Work this will. Evidence of your claims we need. Provide it this does," Yoda replied.

The accountant, who reminded him more of a Hutt every minute, nodded in agreement.

As they turned and left An-Paj couldn't help himself. <This may prove my point, but the blackmail makes it even more worthwhile.>

Yoda turned and shook his gimer stick at the master healer. <Share this blackmail you will.> "Hmph."

As the door closed, An-Paj allowed himself a guilty smile as he called the padawan healers into the room. 'Surely it can't be that Sithly if Master Yoda agrees.'

On the other side of the Temple Obi-Wan shook off a nightmare with the logic that nothing that bad could happen in the Temple.

***********

"But An-Paj! That's unethical!"

Glaring at the apprentice healers An-Paj repeated himself. "Now look. If we want resources, we're going to have to prove that they're needed. Go out and follow Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi. I want a record of every trip to the healer they make for the next few days."

"But what if they're sent off-planet?"

Gazing at the four disbelieving faces, An-Paj smiled. "Oh, there's a snowball's chance on Tatooine they'll have a mission. Master Yoda gave us permission."

Leaning in closer, An-Paj whispered conspiratorially. "And if they have an untypically safe and pain-free few days... make sure they get here anyway."

Ignoring the gasping youngsters, An-Paj reminded himself that this was for a good cause. You can't treat patients if they won't give you resources. And those two use up a lot of resources.

"Now go. You can catch them at breakfast if you hurry."

**********

"Padawan Giana, may I help you?"

"Well, actually Healer Leona, I'm supposed to be checking the records on two patients and An-Paj said you might be of help."

Leona studied the padawan briefly. //Something's going on here.//

The girl looked like a Rancor was waiting for her. Even her wings were twitching. Putting on her most benign expression Leona asked which patients.

"Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi, ma'am."

Flinching lightly at the indignity of being called ma'am, Leona gestured towards a case of datapads.

Surveying the case Giana noticed hundreds of datapads stacked into piles. "But which one has their information Healer Leona?"

"All of them, dear. You are looking at the Jinn/Kenobi medical library."

Giana groaned as she headed over do to a bit of research.

**********************************

Obi-Wan Kenobi awoke suddenly. Instantly awake and on his feet his fished around for his lightsabre before remembering where he was. <Master?>

<I'm alright, Padawan. Just a little accident.>

Venturing out into the kitchen, Obi-Wan saw his Master stooped over the sink, pouring water over his burned tunic sleeve. "Master, don't tell me you were trying to cook breakfast."

If looks could kill, Qui-Gon thought he would be standing in front of the Council for padawancide. He didn't care.

Obi-Wan ambled over. 'I shouldn't be this amused, should I?' "Master, perhaps you should go see the healer's. That does look rather painful."

//So he thinks I should go see the healers? I bet he'd like that. Why that little Sith. See if he gets any sympathy from me next time he... No, Jedi Master. Calm.//

"Of course Obi-Wan. Why don't you meet me at the dining hall for breakfast then?"

Grabbing his cloak, Qui-Gon tried to regain a little dignity before the healers took even more away.

**************************************

"This could be the easiest thing An-Paj has asked us to do yet," Padawan Hrothar exclaimed.

His companion sighed. Obviously he didn't know the pair in question if he thought following them without being seen would be easy. However, Bant knew that the blackmail she would have on Obi-Wan would entitled her to quite a few victories in the padawan Days competition when she was done.

Suddenly, Hrothar pulled her back into a crevice in the wall. Staring at Master Jinn heading for the healer's section of the Temple they both wondered 'How much trouble can he have gotten in before the sun's up?'


*********

Obi-Wan Kenobi ventured out of his quarters hesitantly. //Force, why does it feel like I'm being watched?// Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, the 20 year old padawan tossed his braid over his shoulder and began to strut towards the dining hall. 'If I'm being watched, I'll give them something to watch.'

Bant peered out from around the corner and began to film Obi-Wan swaying behind with her holocam.

She caught every strut and sway on tape.... right up until the moment Obi-Wan tripped and went flying down the hall. And down three flights of stairs in the process.

Looking up, Obi-Wan realized he was standing, no laying, just outside the door to the healer's. "I think the force is trying to tell me something," he groaned.

*****************************

Padawan Miran glanced up from her datapad. "Both of them?"

An-Paj smiled from where he was working. "Make sure you get all the material used recorded Padawan."

Glancing at Qui-Gon squirming in front of the master healer, Miran began to type.

Jinn, Master
3 bacta pads
1 tube of burn cream
2 shots of painkiller


"Two? I thought Jedi Master's could control pain?"

Eyeing Obi-Wan, she added...

Kenobi, Padawan
1 swab
2 bacta patches - one per knee


Wincing as Padawan Dimallie tripped over Obi-Wan's feet, she wrote.

1 tray of syringes


*********

An-Paj waved Bant and Hrothar out the door after the exiting Jedi. "And don't let them out of your site."

Following at a discrete distance Bant could not help but notice the aura of calm around them. Apparently, her scaly companion noticed as well. "You wouldn't know they had a suicidal streak by looking at them, now would you," Hrothar remarked. Bant answered in the only way possible. She beaned him with the hilt of her lightsabre and kept on walking.

"Now what did you do that for?"

"Shhhhhhhhhhh."

As Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon entered the dining all, their stalkers came close enough to over-here "I have a bad feeling about this, Master."

********

Obi-Wan parted ways with his master as they entered the dining hall. Moving ever so cautiously across the room, he gathered his tray and sat with several other padawans. Bant gave up the chase and joined her friends for breakfast.

Qui-Gon looked over his shoulder at the dull roar from the initiates and padawans and gave a small sigh of relief to be at a table alone with the other Masters.

"Qui-Gon?"

"Sorry Mace. Just thinking that I need to get away from the Temple a bit more. It's starting to wear on me."

The Councilor eyed his friend's charred sleeve. "Something's wearing on you, but I don't think it's the Temple. You ever wonder if the Force doesn't have a grudge against you and Obi-Wan?"

"Preposterous."

"Have it your way. Since you're fed up with Temple life, how would you like to join a few of us for a night on the town?"

Qui-Gon eyed his friend warily. Years of experience told him Mace was up to something. Even without that knowledge, the Force screamed at him 'don't do it Jinn.'

"It's either come with us, or join Yoda for his weekly session of 'Master's and Padawans'. He thinks you and Obi-Wan need to work on your issues."

Qui-Gon raised a single eyebrow at the prospect of going to therapy with his padawan. 'Issues indeed.'

The rest of breakfast was spent working out the details of the 'boy's night out'.

**********************************

Padawan Giana stretched wearily from her spot beneath the stacks of datapads.

"Sith, if I would have known this was just their records since they became a pair, I would never have volunteered for this."

Glancing across the room, Giana was certain Healer Leona was smirking.

//Well, we'll just see about that. I'll prove to her I can do this. I can handle anything they throw at me.//

Activating the next series of records she began to read about what An-Paj had colorfully titled "The Silk Panty Incident". //Hmmm, this should be interesting.//

********

Obi-Wan groaned softly. "No, not Brick!"

It was definitely too early in the morning for this. Sighing with relief, Obi-Wan noticed that Brink made no effort to harass him.

//Small gifts of the Force.//



And then, she appeared. Obi-Wan would have reminded Jay Abran to close his mouth, but he was a Jedi and he would
NOT act jealous. Standing so that Jemmiah could see where he was, Obi-Wan waved her over.

Barely noticing Brink's look of... intent? Obi-Wan sat back down. He looked up again in time to see Brink kissing Jemmiah. Spewing water across the table, Obi-Wan decided that all this light-sidedness was for saps.

"I am going to kill that... that... son of a Rancor!" Walking over to the odd couple, Obi-Wan realized that Jemmiah looked, well, she looked like she was enjoying herself.

//Sith! Could today get any worse?//

******

"Master Jinn?"

"Yes?"

"Ah, well, I am terribly sorry to disturb your breakfast, but it seems one of the crèche masters has come down with a bit of the Lichaem flu. I was hoping you would be so kind as to supervise one of the classes today."

Qui-Gon surveyed Master Gerof. As head of the crèche, he was renowned for his calm collected demeanor. //So why then does he look like I'm about to hit him with force lightening?//

"Of course I'd be willing to help. And which class would I be working with?"

Master Gerof murmured quickly "the 2 to 4 year old" before dashing out the door in a dead run.


********

"She kissed him."

Simeon Cates looked on as Obi-Wan paced the floor excitedly.

"How could she?"

"Well, she is Corellian."

//Bad move Cates, now he's glaring.//

"What am I supposed to do? The whole Temple saw."

"Don't worry. I've got a plan that just can't go wrong. If you want to get her back, make her jealous."

Obi-Wan's face told Simeon that he had yet to be convinced, but he was listening, and that was all that was important for now. Grabbing Obi-Wan by the sleeve, Simeon dragged him through the Temple like a lost Nerf. Trying to suppress a laugh at her friend's expense, Bant trailed the two boys. As she rounded the corner, she was just in time to see them enter the healers.

"What? Obi-Wan going in there willingly. This must be some plan."

Sneaking in she decided it was her business to check it out.

******************************

"Now this wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

Qui-Gon had convinced the Initiate Ankle Biters that the first step on the road to jedi-dom was learning to meditate. The horde was now wiggling and wriggling, but at least they were trying to pretend they were quiet. Plopping into a chair Qui-Gon surveyed the room. Then he surveyed his ankles.

"Now who taught them to bite Masters while playing zoo anyway?" he wondered. The bits of cloth wrapped around his feet prevented his boots from going back on. 'Hmmm. Interesting choice. Wander the Temple barefoot, or bleed to death from an attack of small children? As he sat, trying to remember how exactly they had taken off his boots in the first place, he failed to notice a change coming over the children. When Qui-Gon opened his eyes, once again ready to live up to the Jedi Code and instill wisdom in the young initiates, he noticed they were gone. Hearing giggling, he looked up. Letting loose a string of expletives sure to make the bawdiest Corellian or Jemmiah for that matter, blush, he realized they had been levitated above him. Thirty initiates were now sitting on the ceiling. Suddenly, they began to fall, one by one, down. Racing back and forth, Qui-Gon sought to be a good master and catch them. He was doing just fine until 2 fell at once. One ended up in his arms. The other knocked him out colder than the Iceman of Hoth. Hence, he failed to see Master Yoda sneak out of the room.



********

Obi-Wan thought his arms would break the way Simeon was piling supplies on them.

"What do we need all this for?"

"Trust me. It's all perfectly necessary to get a girl to kiss you."

"WHAT! I am perfectly capable of..."

"Shhhhhhhhh."

"What now?"

"Your master is being brought in."

Obi-Wan joined Simon in peering through the crack of light around the storeroom door. They both would have left some natural sympathy, Simeon as a healer and Obi-Wan as an apprentice, if it weren't for the fact that he looked so darn funny.

As the turbo bed floated through the door, they caught a glimpse of the serene and dignified master, barefoot, his hair plastered with... was that?... spice gum, and three of the young initiates bouncing on him.

"Force," Obi-Wan muttered, "if we don't get out of here, I'm going to start laughing louder than a gimpnie in heat."

Gathering up their supplies, the two padawans snuck out the back.