ENTRY SIXTY NINE:
I got another visit from the CSS today, it being a day I would under normal circumstances go to school. I suppose I am well enough to go back but Evla wants to make sure I'm okay. She knows what's been going on at school with the bullying although I've not mentioned any names. That didn't make any difference at all, because by the time they'd spoken to me Sophie's name had already come up.
The moment that the other kids in the gang realized how serious it was and that they might get into trouble, they all pointed the finger straight at Digwurt, sacrificing her to save their own necks. The cops heard Sophie's name given so many times that there was no question as to who the ringleader was.
Evla urged me to tell the whole story and I did, although reluctantly. I told them about our ongoing feud, how she took an instant dislike to me, how she'd taken to following me from school and threatening me with severe pain. Just to back up what I was saying I fished out a couple of the flimsy notes that Sophie had made into a dart and thrown at the back of my neck. Her handwriting is all over it so that just added to her guilt.
The strangest thing is that although I hate her, I feel really guilty about telling on her. I don't know why, it just doesn't feel right. I think maybe I've got so used to keeping my problems to myself that I am uncomfortable with admitting when things are wrong. After they had gone, Evla said she was proud of me but I didn't feel very proud. I just felt sad and wanted to curl up.
I don't know what will happen now.
I'm hiding in my room just now because I don't know what to say. Evla keeps looking at me sympathetically and I know she is finding it difficult to find the right things to say, too. We are both kinda treading softly. I don't want pity, but Evla has been so kind that it seems ungrateful not to let her be extra kind to me.
Why have I heard nothing from Quiggy and Ben? Not one message! I hate admitting it but I'm getting scared now…
Something's gone wrong, I just know it has! I asked Windy if he knew anything about Q& B's mission but he won't tell me anything…so that means that something's wrong, doesn't it? He didn't even try to lie! I spent all last night worrying and I didn't get much sleep, so I have a headache now.
I want to ask Evla if she will talk to Yoda and see if he will say anything but that might upset her, and it's probably better that it's just me that's upset and not both of us. Thing is I keep imagining horrible things. Ben told me about all that have gone wrong in the past and my mind keeps fixing on all the really bad stuff. What if they are hurt, and I don't know about it? What if they are prisoners, or even worse dead? What if Merdan's found them?
You've got no idea how scared I am about that happening. You see, Master Jinn says that Merdan won't get anywhere near the temple and that he wouldn't be able to find me, but they didn't know Merdan like I did. Nothing got in his way. If he said he was going to do something he always did. If he wanted something he always took it. One day he'll come back for me. What happens though if Master Jinn and Ben get caught up in it, too? That wouldn't be fair after all they've done and it would be my entire fault.
My mind is beginning to run away again. I'd better stop now before I start imagining even worse stuff.
ENTRY SEVENTY ONE:
Guess what? I met the Wookiee who saved me from Sophie's thugs! She is really nice. Her name's Flint something or other. It's a big long name that goes on and on forever and you need to roar it from the back of your throat so you can say it properly. So she said just to call her Flint.
She had a translator with her so that I could understand what she said, but after about half an hour I managed to pick things up. Just sounds, nothing complicated. Flint said she wanted to make sure I was okay. I gave her a hug to say thank you for what she did. She was so strong she nearly squashed the breath out of me! I think she was quite pleased with the hug because she said that if I ever had any trouble again I was to tell her and she would sort it out. I can't see anyone arguing with a Wookiee, unless of course it was another Wookiee and even then he'd have to be very brave!
Flint's got these lovely greeny blue eyes that always seem to smile even when her face is serious. She said I could visit her whenever I want. She works inside the cantina where Sophie attacked me and said her family has a trail of establishments nearby, all self owned. I always thought Wookiees liked their home planet so I was puzzled why so many of them would be on Coruscant together. Flint said that it had just turned out that way and whilst Kashyyyk would always be home, her heart would be wherever her friends and relatives were. She promised to take me to see them when I was better and that they would also help me if I were bullied again.
I like this! I not only have a Wookiee protector; I have a Wookiee army too!
ENTRY SEVENTY TWO:
You know, I'm kind of amazed at all the stuff that's happened to me since I first came to Coruscant. I guess I didn't know what to expect. Coruscant was just a big ball of bright light when I first saw it from the cockpit, so dazzling that I didn't know where to look first. I still think of it that way even though half a year has gone. It's so busy that it seems to buzz, like it's alive. Imagine what it must feel like to a jedi who can sense things with the force! How do they ever get to sleep with all the distraction and disturbances from the air traffic and the people and that sort of thing? I'm sure that's why they built the temple. It's to stop them from going nuts.
I don't think I'd ever like to see a jedi that had gone nuts. I'm not talking slightly dippy like old Quirida-Xac (and do you know I think he pretends that he's worse than he is coz several times after he's molested a lady healer or caused some mischief I've seen him wink at me!) but nuts in a nasty kind of way. Like Xanatos. I'm sure there must have been many, many others who turned bad before him too. Just imagine all the horrible things you could do with that force stuff…makes me shudder to think about it.
Evla said that I could go down to the crèche with her today if I wanted, seeing as I'm not to go back to school until a decision's been made about Sophie. Well, I was kind of at a loose end. The idea of little kids has never really appealed to me but I was curious as I've never seen a baby up close and I wanted to see if they are really as bad as people say they are.
I was allowed to pick one up, it was quite newish…well, it was under six months. That's maybe not that new. I thought it would be as light as a feather but I nearly dropped it! I think after that the thing took an instant dislike to me and started to scream its head off. The noise set off all the others. That made for a fearful din.
Then it decided to wee on me. Kriff, a dog would have more respect! I'm sure I wasn't like that when I was that age! I mean, I couldn't have been. My brother - yes.
Me - no way.
Evla took my brat off me and it had the nerve to stop crying straight away.
I wish I had dropped it now.
I just don't see the appeal at all. I can only assume that everyone else can see something in them that I can't. I tried for Evla's sake to make an effort but after an hour I'd had all I could stand and asked to go to the gardens. She seemed disappointed but I couldn't keep it up any longer. They are ghastly things and that's all there is to it.
Then out of curiosity I asked her what she liked about kids. She said she could honestly say that even the bad bits were good, like the cleaning up and the feeding and the late nights…
Monster-baby then promptly threw up on her tunic and I took that as my sign to clear off.
And the smell. I won't go into details but it was horrible and I am NEVER going back there. Never! I hate babies and I hate kids! They even look yucky. There was one evil looking object that just sat and drooled all morning. I'm going to go to sleep this evening with a mental picture of this slavering, screwed up pink face. Urgh!
ENTRY SEVENTY THREE:
Had to go back to the healers for an appointment. Just a check over to see that I've not suffered any serious or lasting damage that I can sue Digwurt over.
Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you see it) I am fine, at least I was until Ferdi jabbed me with a needle. They didn't take very much though, just a thumb prick of blood. An-Paj is doing his monthly check on my immunity whatsit to see if that's improving. He said that it is a little better but that he thought I would have made more of a recovery than I have done.
I have a theory. I reckon An-Paj loves his work so much that he's just saying that so that he has an excuse to jab me with needles on a regular basis. I think you have to be one frog short of a fat Hutt to want to do this sort of thing anyway. The only thing I can think of that would be worse than having to touch sick people is to touch sick kids.
I suppose technically I qualify as a sick kid. Maybe I ought to watch what I write!
Want to know something else? I reckon that Ferdi fancies An-Paj! Maybe if I tell him he'll turn that wonderful purple blue color again! I think I'll try it the next time I'm getting stabbed by a needle-wielding maniac…
ENTRY SEVENTY FOUR:
Really embarrassed now. I had another nightmare last night, quite a bad one. I think I gave Evla the shock of her life. Must have scared the poor woman half to death, the way she burst into my bedroom to see if I was okay.
I'm not good at saying how I feel or why I feel that way, but I had to tell her some of it so that she would know what to expect if it happens again. So I said that I was sorry for disturbing her and that I didn't mean it, but I sometimes get bad dreams. She asked me if they were about the place that I was at before I came to Coruscant with Master Jinn, and I nodded and said yes. Then she asked me if I wanted to speak to her about them…I could tell she wanted to help me but I just couldn't.
So now there's another person who thinks that I'm crazy.
She stayed with me a while and fussed about, sorting my bed and fixing me a hot drink. I felt so bad for causing so much trouble. Evla's got to work morning shifts which means she'll be tired from so little sleep. Why can't I just have a normal life?
Now I'm all tired too.
Still no word on Digwurt. What does that mean? Is that good or bad? I hope at the least I get moved to a different class because I'm really scared. Not for me: for her.
I might have to break her neck.
Master Berlingside allowed me to stay round at his place whilst Evla was working at the crèche. Dex is cool. Everyone seems to like Dex, although I sometimes wonder if Windy does. I think he's jealous because all the girls seem to like Dex. And he has more hair.
Kryztan was there too, going out of his mind because he's recently broken his ankle and he's resting it. It was a bad break that happened when he was sparring. Master D said he was showing off and trying to look swish, so I told Kryztan that he couldn't out-swish a Corellian so therefor what happened to his ankle was his own fault!
Then I gave him a bar of chocolate from Evla's stash, just incase I'd hurt his feelings.
See, I can be nice!
ENTRY SEVENTY FIVE:
And just when I thought my life couldn't get better…
NO MORE DIGWURT!!!
Apparently Sophie's attack was deemed so viscous that she has been expelled! Bliss! Joy! Rapture! This means that I can go back to school at long last. I have mixed feelings about this. I know now that nobody will pick on me again, which is just as well for them unless they want to find bits of themselves being shipped of to Kashyyyk. The thing is that I had no friends at all. Nobody wanted to know me when I first arrived and nothing has changed. I wasn't too upset to be honest because I'm used to being by myself and not with other kids.
Now I have no chance of friends. It'll be social leprosy x 10000000.
Still that's not important. What IS important is that I'll never have to see her miserable pig like face EVER again!
That's not true, coz I am gonna find her one day and I'm gonna rip the stuffing out of her!