Main Page
Jemmy's Diary
Day: Firynar

Evla's just arrived…that's it! That's the answer! If I can just let Ms. Vram think that they are together (as in an item) then she'll back off, right? And Quiggy is
STILL laughing!!! What is wrong with the man? Can't he see the danger he's in?

Day: Firynar

I knew it…

Ms. Vram was all over him like a rash! A highly infectious one at that!

Gods, I feel awful! She followed him round every chance she got! So much for my big plan…Evla was having difficulty trying to keep a straight face because it was that obvious! At first Quiggy thought it was a bit of a laugh because he introduced himself with an uncharacteristic, flowery bow just to humiliate me (it worked). Unfortunately Ms. Vram was most impressed. She must have thought her luck was in. Maybe she imagined that's how all the jedi act.

I have a shock for her. Ninety nine percent of the time Jedi don't laugh. They sometimes can't be bothered to smile because it takes up energy that might be needed elsewhere, like analyzing the future or meditating. Jedi can be seriously dull people. There's an awful lot of sitting cross-legged and contemplating things. They can't really fly. They can't walk on water and despite what Master Berlingside says they can't see through women's clothing just by staring at them.

I hope.

If she was expecting to see the Rex Victory version of a Jedi she was in for a sad shattering of illusions. Sadly, Qui-Gee decided to wind me up and act the part. He deserved everything he got. He was overly chivalrous and gallant. He even took her arm at one point and then had the nerve to wink at me! Evla was splitting her sides trying not to die of laughter. Then it all went wrong when Ms. Vram started flirting right back at him. I think it was then he realized that I had been telling the truth and he began to look for the nearest exit.

I was feeling terrible at this point. All the other kids and parents were looking out the corner of their eyes as Ms. Vram tried to entrap him. My face was so hot I thought I was about to burn up! Quiggy decided he wanted to go one way and Ms. Vram literally pulled him after her in the other direction!

Well, we eventually got to see my picture. I think both Evla and Quiggy were surprised because they both said it was very good, and Ms. Vram said that she was sure it had something to do with being surrounded by 'talented' people. I had to pretend not to know what she meant but it was clear that Quiggy knew what she was talking about. At this point my face went from scarlet to purple, and I told Evla that I felt unwell again and could I please go home. Seeing as how they were still worried about the infection (and Quiggy was desperately trying to escape) they both agreed very rapidly.

Still Ms. Vram tried to hold on to him! She said she'd be happy to get me a chair to sit on whilst she showed Quiggy (didn't mention Evla at all) round the rest of the pictures. Gods, I'm so pleased Ben had an exam today. I couldn't have put up with his snickering and laughter on top of everything else.

Well, Quiggy managed to escape by saying he didn't want to 'compromise my welfare on account of his own selfish desires' (wrong choice of words, Qui-Gee) which got Ms. Vram very excited. I swear her specs were all steamed up.
He explained he had a dangerous mission to prepare for, and Ms. Vram asked him if he had many desires and Quiggy answered "to get some fresh air" and legged it to the nearest exit!

It wasn't difficult to persuade them I felt bad. I felt worse than bad, with every kid in the class staring after me. The last thing I heard was Ms. Vram calling after Quiggy telling him to 'take care' and 'see you at the next parent/teacher meeting'.

I don't want to think about that. I just want to die.

It's not easy to walk half way home with your head in your hands but somehow I managed it.


DAY: Skielnath

I hope the other kids will have forgotten about Ms. Vram's unsubtle attempts to become Mrs. Jinn on Monlis but something tells me that's not likely. The journey back yesterday was so silent (except for Evla's giggling) and Quiggy was ashen faced and I was radish red. Maybe this will teach the old Nerf not to be funny. Serious, yes. Serious is a good Quiggy expression. Funny just doesn't suit him, and he would quite happily tell you that being a jedi is no laughing matter.

He has my every sympathy on that score.

I spent the afternoon pretending to rest on my bed but all the time I was thinking about how much I will get teased when I go back to school. I seem to have spent more time out of school being ill than I have in it studying. An-Paj said that was almost inevitable and it might well be that way for years to come.

I think Evla gave him a hard time too because I heard hysterical laughter coming from next door.

At this rate Quiggy will be glad to escape to wherever it is his next mission takes him. Evla says not to worry, as it's a low-key diplomatic affair where his and Ben's presence were personally requested. Seems Quiggy has made loads of unusual friends in high places, which in theory is nice if you ever need a favor doing in return. Thing is, from what I've observed that's not how it works. (That's how it works on Corellia. You do something for someone and then they owe you with interest).

If you want a proper description of how it
DOES work, see below:

Example 1:

KING of planet UGOOBULUGU: Help! Our planet has been overrun by giant insecty things the size of a Corellian Battle cruiser! They're devouring the local populace by thousands each day! At this rate there will be nobody around to keep the cantinas open! Please dispatch one jedi master and padawan to deal with the problem immediately.

COUNCIL: Send Master Qui-Gon and Padawan Kenobi, we will.

Now, forward on to several years later…

Example 2:

COUNCIL: Hello again, your royal gracious and magnificent majesty. We sent a couple of jedi to your aid some seven years ago, do you remember? The insect problem?

KING: Oh, yes. I recall that.

COUNCIL: Well, the thing is that we kinda need a great, whacking big favor from your planet now and we were thinking that one good turn deserved another and all that…

KING: Sorry, my memory must be playing tricks on me. Who are you again?

COUNCIL: The jedi temple on Coruscant.

KING: Where?

COUNCIL: The capital.

KING: Sorry…you're a bit faint this end…I think you're…breaking up.

COUNCIL: The insects, remember?

KING: If you've got problems with insects I suggest you call a pest controller. Good day!

That sort of thing…

I sometimes wonder why they bother with all this peace and justice garbage. It's not appreciated in the least. And it's taking away my friends (my family even) yet again.

DAY: Sounalth

Ben's sorting out what clothing to take with him. If he runs true to form it'll be two pairs of underpants, two tunic tops and bottoms and one pair of socks (much lived in). I'm gonna have to buy that boy some new ones, preferably ones that don't disintegrate when they touch his feet…

I'd better explain about Ben's feet: they smell.

The reason they stink is because he lives in the same pair of socks for weeks on end. I've got no real idea why this is but it can't be healthy. It's certainly not healthy for Quiggy and me. Ben even sleeps in his socks! I have got a plan that might cure it but maybe I'll bide my time. Cruel to be kind, eh?

Ben also has a laundry basket. This is a sort of halfway house for all the scabby bits of washing (socks too, if they ever make it off his feet) and it is not a place you want to visit too often. I think Ben cleans it out only when he's down to his last tea towel to wrap round him!

That's a little unfair. He's reasonably tidy for a teenage boy.

I reckon it's some kind of comfort thing. Some kids have toys to cling to. I have Snordle. Some kids have blankets. Ben has his socks…

He's welcome to them.

As a farewell gift I decided to clean his room. Sith, his clothes and bed linen needed freshening up! I took my Corellian Orchid perfume and sprayed it in his clothing bins and wardrobe, in his laundry basket, his bed covers, his pillows, his boxer shorts…it certainly smelled a lot less skanky than they used to.

The aroma of sweaty feet is gone! Hurrah!

Sadly, the owner of the sweaty feet will soon be gone too.

DAY: Sounalth

Hey, Qui-Gee gave me my own comlink! He said that the mission is based on Coruscant so I'll be able to contact him if there's an emergency. I don't know whether to be pleased or annoyed - emergency? Me??? What does he think I'm going to do? I'm perfectly well behaved!

Most of the time…

Anyway, it's really great coz I can send notes and letters and messages to him with it. Hmmm, maybe I can send him a message telling him that the temple's burned down!

DAY: Sounalth

Ben's complaining his stuff smells cheap and flowery! There's gratitude for you! Quiggy was trying not to smile when Ben waved his perfumed socks under his nose. He wasn't so happy when he realized he'd have to stand next to him in the talks. He probably doesn't want people giving him funny looks. Still, as I pointed out to Ben, if you're going to look like a wallflower you might as well smell like one! He didn't find that very funny…

Hang on! Is he saying that I am cheap and flowery???

I'll murder the little vrelt!

DAY: Sounalth

Supper at Evla's tonight. Might as well get used to it. Still, I do like her cooking. Lots of chocolate. That'll keep us both happy!

Which reminds me, this comlink thingy is gonna be great! It means I can order stuff from outside of the temple without Quiggy knowing that a transaction has occurred. He's usually quite strict about Holonet time and what Ben and I look at but this comlink means I can order carryouts galore!

Of course, I'll have to remember to charge it to Master Windu's tab!

DAY: Sounalth

Supper was good. Ben wolfed his down as per usual. I could see the looks that Quiggy and Evla were giving him. Evla looked amused and asked Q if he actually fed him on anything, whereupon I prodded Ben with a finger and told her that he was one step away from Hutt sized. Ben was still upset that I'd sprayed his clothes with perfume so he told me he'd rather be fat than skinny. The meal was kind of quiet from that point on, with both of us picking at our food.

Rather than go back to Q's place I'm spending the night here with Evla, so I suppose this means I have to go back and grab all my things.

Looks like Ben isn't speaking to me now.

DAY: Sounalth

I heard Quiggy tell Ben off for sulking, followed by a sulky teenage voice stating "she started it" and "I am NOT fat!" I think Ben's got a complex. Maybe I'll say sorry to him. It's not nice being teased.

I'm going to collect my things. I must remember my comlink thingy!

Oh, hang on a moment. Quiggy is telling Ben to help me move my belongings. This might be my chance to say sorry.

DAY: Sounalth

Quiggy locked the pair of us in my room and wouldn't let us out until we'd made up! I wanted to say sorry but Ben wasn't going to back down. He said Master Jinn would have to let him out because of the mission tomorrow. I said that I didn't really think he was fat and that I would like to be less skinny than I am. He said that was okay but he still wanted to know why I'd sprayed his clothes with perfume. I said that I was trying to make sure his clothes smelled nice for when he went away. He said that I did it to make him look stupid infront of Jay. That kind of made me mad, so I picked up my toy Gundark by the leg and whacked him across the face with it. Fortunately it was a cuddly toy so it didn't do too much damage.

I remember Ben looking a bit surprised and then I took a bit of a funny turn and started kicking on the door and hollering to get out.

Ben said later on that I went utterly banoodly at being shut in there. I don't know what the problem was exactly, I mean it's my room and I sleep in there. Apart from the semi-frequent nightmares I have no problems with anything like that. When I locked myself in there after my argument with Quiggy a few months back I wasn't bothered at all. I think that was because I knew I could get out if I wanted. It was a different story when I was shut in Sal-Fina's cupboard, which had virtually no air, no light and no room. Anyway, Ben says I had a full-blown panic attack and he had to yell for Master Jinn to let us out.

By the time he did I was seeing little black spots swimming infront of my eyes. I had a glass of water and then I felt immediately better.

I'm not claustrophobic (my spelling might not be so hot here) although I don't really like confined spaces. I'm okay in the dark although again I prefer there to be at least some light. I don't sit and shake like a Nerf at a slaughterhouse when I'm stuck somewhere but being deliberately shut in made me snap. Guess it reminds me of that kriffing Levinstowe, rot his black heart.

Ben was a bit worried to go near me at first but I explained I was okay and that if he wanted we could hang his clothes out on the railing and give them an airing, which would take away the worst of the smell. He seemed pleased with the idea so we tied his trouser pants and tunic top to the rails by the legs and arms.

I've got Snordle and all my things together now. Time to go back round to Evla's.
Next Page