|As Jemmiah followed him over to the dance floor she spared her poor Ben an agonized glance as he tried his best to wriggle away from the Twi'lek's increasingly suggestive moves.
"I'm not that kind of Jedi, ma'am!" he was insisting.
"Who are you kidding?" Jemmy hollered across.
Obi-Wan looked at Jemmiah, and then at the stranger.
"I see you found someone to ask." He mumbled.
"Matter of fact, I asked her." The deep, rumbling voice of the mystery man replied. "I didn't think you'd mind because you seemed to be having such a good time."
"Good?" Obi-Wan gasped. "I'd sooner trade places with Hmiol and dance with Flint!"
"It can be arranged." Jemmiah said dryly. "Obi-Wan, meet Jonas."
Kenobi nodded brusquely in response and Suul could tell he wasn't too impressed. Jealous, probably.
"Look, you've got no need to feel threatened." Jonas remarked as he deliberately slid his hands round Jemmiah's waist. "I know I'm dancing with your girl but jealousy isn't the best way to…"
"I am NOT jealous." Kenobi smiled thinly.
"Why not?" Jemmiah asked, disappointed.
"Because you want me to be."
"I've been found out, Jo." Jemmiah smiled at the tall Corellian.
The intimate use of the stranger's name was the final straw for Obi-Wan and he determined not to let Jemmy's teasing get the better of him as she had known it would.
He responded in kind by pressing himself as close to the Twi'lek as he could.
"What do you think you're doing, Ben?" Jemmy laughed.
"Enjoying myself." He said through gritted teeth.
"I didn't know you like older women?" she smirked as she twirled about in the Corellian's arms. "I thought it was school girls that were your kind of thing!"
"Maybe he's hankering after a mother figure." Suul let his eyes wander over the Twi'lek. "Or grandmother figure, as seems much more likely."
"Vuulim look after Jedi, yes?" The Twi'lek ran her brain tail up across Kenobi's chest.
"By the gods, your luck's in tonight!" grinned Suul with a wink. "How can you pass up an offer like that?"
"I think you've just been propositioned by a listed monument!"
"In that case I'm in no hurry to do any exploratory work in the foundations…" Obi-Wan gulped hard as the Twi'lek pinched his rear with her talon like nails, bringing tears to his eyes.
"Look," Suul offered as he spun Jemmiah to the left, "I speak a little of the language. Do you want me to talk to her?"
"Would you?" Obi-Wan immediately decided that he liked the stranger after all and that his initial assessment was altogether too harsh.
Jonas cleared his throat.
Obi-Wan didn't know quite what he'd said but he was fairly certain it hadn't put off the collection of old bones that was groping his bottom.
"Would you like to tell me," he squeaked, "what precisely you asked her?"
"I asked her if they were her own teeth." Jonas smiled. "They are, so you've got nothing to worry about."
Kenobi felt almost sick at the thought.
"Jedi like to show Vuulim the force?" The Twi'lek asked coyly.
"My midiclorians are on strike." He shook his head rigorously. "And for starters, my wife wouldn't like it."
"What is wife?" Vuulim frowned.
"My bond-partner. My life mate. My…"
"You two are married?" Jonas looked aghast.
"Long story." Jemmiah grumbled.
The Twi'lek didn't look very impressed.
"What did she say?" Obi-Wan backed away at the tirade of seeming curses that streamed from the old woman's mouth.
"She said that as you asked about her having her own teeth, she wants to ask if you have got your own…er, I'd better not repeat that, actually." Jonas rolled his eyes. "Because she says that if you do, she's got a small fruit knife in her pocket and you won't have 'em for much longer…"
"This is the point in the story where the rough, tough jedi hero runs and hides under his masters robe for the next twenty minutes." Obi-Wan retreated rapidly.
"You coward!" Jemmy laughed.
"You heard her!" Kenobi panicked. "She's got a fruit knife! And she's NOT getting to peel my oranges, that's for darn sure!"
From A Night To (Almost) Remember
Excerpt by Jemmiah