Far Biwo

From A Night To (Almost) Remember
Excerpt by Jemmiah
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Hmiol watched aghast as Far staggered over to one of the fountains in the middle of Coruscant's best known plaza. The statue in the middle was of a Keltorus, a Corellian creature of ancient myth represented by a beautiful woman with a fish's tail instead of legs.

Biwo lunged determinedly for the edge of the fountain.

"Made it!" He said as he used his hands to make a cup for the water.

"Master, the others are watching…" Garos whispered in an unsure tone.

"Good! Bring 'em over. I don't care." He grinned. He nudged the padawan on the shoulder as he stared up at the statue. "What do you think of her, son? She's a bit of all right, don't you think?"

"It's a statue, master."

"Use your imagination." Sniffed Biwo as he stared in besotted fashion at the marble sculpture. He turned round to face Obi-Wan's little group further down the street.

"Hey, Jemmiah. How about growing a tail and sitting in the water?" He laughed.

"MASTER!" Garos whimpered.

Biwo shook his head.

"Well, if she won't jump in then I suppose it's up to me. Hold my robe." He instructed the dumbstruck apprentice.

CAN'T!" Garos swallowed.

"Course I can!" Biwo said happily as he jumped up on the rim of the fountain.

Hmiol watched in horror as Far Biwo, known throughout the temple as one of the most understated and respected masters in the order began to peel off his clothing piece by piece…

"Master!" Hmiol's eyes seemingly couldn't get any bigger, but yet they contrived to do so. "Come down from there!"

"You are such a spoilsport." Biwo chucked his right boot at his padawan. "When will you learn that there's more to life than studying and meditation and going for walks? Try having some fun!"

"That isn't fun master, it's called making a fool of yourself!"

"No, it's definitely fun." Biwo splashed some of the spray back from the fountain into Hmiol's face. "Who wants to join me in this purposely built fresher for four?"

Obi-Wan and his group had arrived on the scene and Hmiol began to feel incredibly embarrassed. Not to mention guilty. Technically, it was all his fault. Him and that Simeon Cates, who now stood only yards from where his master was busy gyrating and cavorting, like a deranged snake charmer.

"If that's a new form of dancing, I can't see it catching on." Simeon remarked.

Hmiol gritted his teeth and ignored the remark. He had far more pressing things to think about.

"Catch!" Shouted Biwo as his other boot flew through the air, missing Spider by the narrowest of margins.

"Hey, careful!" She shouted. "You could have someone's eye out!"

"Well, funny you should say that!" Grinned Biwo; "Because it just so happens…" He began to unfasten his trousers.

"Master!" Yelled Hmiol in distress.

"Please, Master Biwo. You're causing a scene. And remember there are ladies present." Obi-Wan stepped closer.

"There are?" He stared at the group of congregating females. "Some of them, maybe." He pointed at Jemmiah. "If that's a lady then I'm Chancellor Valorum!"

"Cheers!" Jemmy pulled a face.

"Now, hang on a moment…" Obi-Wan began.

Biwo's tunic top landed smack over his head.

"Does nobody here know how to have fun?" He asked, down to his socks and underwear.

"Aren't you cold?" Rela asked.

"No, I'm not. I'm a hot-blooded animal.
Rowwwwwwrrrrrrr!" He growled.

<Master, I think you're needed here> Obi-Wan thought.

"I don't know what could have come over him." Simeon puzzled. "I've never seen anything like this before in all my days at the infirmary."

"Who cares what's wrong, let's just get him out!" Obi-Wan's replied was muffled from under Biwo's top. "There are laws against this sort of thing. If Yoda ever found out…"

"Ah, Yoda can go fillet himself." Biwo declared. "Miserable old troll. He was born with that stick up his…"

"MASTER!" Hmiol cautioned.

Biwo started to scrub himself under the arms, singing as he went.

"Pity I don't have my little plasti-ducky with me." Biwo grinned.

Simeon tittered.

"Which of you lovely girls wants to help scrub my back?" He gloated.

"As long as he uses his brain for a sponge. It should soak up plenty of water." Jemmy bit back.

"That's not very friendly, my little Corellian water nymph!"

"I'm your what?" Jemmiah blinked.

"Water nymph." Biwo used the force to create a huge wave of water.

Everybody stepped back from him except for Obi-Wan who had just struggled out of Biwo's tunic top when the splash soaked him.

"Don't take offence Master Biwo, but you're one pod racer short of an arena." Jemmy stared at him.

"Come on in, the water's lovely!" Biwo removed his socks, rolling them into balls and bouncing them off his chest.

"Is he usually like this?" Rela frowned in distaste.

"No." Hmiol shut his eyes. "No he's not."

"Then what's brought it on? Surely it can't just be the demon drink?" Spider asked. "And quit all that splashing, will you? My Dinko's getting upset and believe me you do not like him when he gets nasty."

"Ah-ha!" Biwo snapped his fingers as if only just remembering. "It's the snake girl! Would you like to have a look at my…"

"NO SHE WOULDN'T YOU DISGUSTING OLD DUNG BEETLE!" Rela took a menacing step forwards.

"Whoa! The little red one's gonna get me! HELP! HELP! Indecent assault!"

"Indecent assault?" Jemmy pulled a face. "I think you're being hopeful, aren't you?"

"Hear that? They're all ganging up on me, Garos my boy. Well, I guess bath time's over. I'm gonna go pay my fishy friend here a visit."

Obi-Wan watched open-mouthed as Biwo started to climb, completely naked, up to the top of the column where the statue was.

<MASTER!> He yelled mentally.

"Simeon, do something!"


"Do something!"

"Like what? If the flipper king wants to indulge in a harmless spot of romantic entanglement with a statue then I say good luck to him."

"Then cover Jemmiah's eyes!"