Welcome To...
Spider's Web Pag!
With added green and pink bits)
Welcome to my humble web page. It's a bit diferent to the normal sort of things you'd find me doing, you know...drinking, looking after reptiles and creepy-crawlies, tattoos and hair dyeing but I still think you'll like it. See, this is the place where all the letters I have collected are kept. Strange thing to collect, I know but that's not the first time I've been accused of that! Not too many people are fond of Dinkos...

Anhow this is where letters, missives and communications are stored.  You'll find some funny ones, general ones and real weepies that have been written by my friends, most of them long gone now. This is my memorial to them all.

By the way, I am always on the lookout for new letters and the like, so should anyone out there read this and want to contribute, please send them in by clicking on the spider...if you dare! Thanks!

Geri (formerly known as Spider-girl) Pippage-Eaglebeak.
Owner of the rare breeds and exotic animal sanctuary.

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No.1: Written by Jemmiah Gleshan (aged about 11 at a guess) from her first school camp outing, to Master Qui-Gon Jinn

Dear Master Jinn,

I'm having a
HORRIBLE time at the school camp but I don't want you to feel to guilty or anything because I am the least homesick of all the kids. They cry a lot and it keeps me awake at nights. I might have to smother them during the night with a pillow to get them to stop because it's really annoying me.

Oh, we were all sick on the journey. Pru Smethers was violently ill all over the airbus and one by one it set off all the kids. Infact it even set off the teachers as well. It all got rather grizzly, but even so it was strangely fun because Ms Vram slipped in the river of vomit that was in the floor of the isle and sat back in it! Yuck!

The food is bleuchtastic. You know what they do? If you don't eat it at lunch they go on serving it up until you eventually have to eat it in some shape or form. I've been living off of Curly-Swirly chocolate bars for the last three days. But don't feel too guilty.

My clothes are all wet. The little boat we chartered to take out on the lake overturned and we all fell in. I can't get the smell of
GIANT RAZOR FISH out of my hair. But don't worry, I didn't get bitten too badly and the blood loss was minimal. The circular suction cup marks from the RED-EYED OCTOPUS that was passing by didn't go very deep. I think with a little BACTA treatment it will get better soon.

And the cold I've developed as a result will clear up in no time and won't go down to my chest.

But as I keep saying, please don't feel guilty or anything coz there's no need.

Oh, yes…our tents got hit by lightning yesterday but only two of our party was taken to the local infirmary. This is unfortunate because we only moved from the last field two days ago after the Gundark incident.  Still, don't worry about a thing coz we are all okay. More or less.

Mind you, Ms Tadpole got bitten by something big and hairy with several legs. They don't think that it's poisonous though coz if it was she would be dead by now.

It was a bit lonely last night, just listening to all the other kids crying but there was this big rat in my tent trying to escape the rain so that was quite good company for me.

I've run out of bandages and antiseptic. I wish I had packed more.

Give my love to Ben. Tell him if I survive the next week I'll bring him back a present, although Gods know what it will be. Probably Threnk's Marsh Fever…

If not I am bequeathing Snordle to him.

Please don't feel guilty about making me go. It wasn't your fault that you signed the letter from school that allowed me to take part in this once in a lifetime experience. I don't want you having any sleepless nights wondering if I have broken my neck in a ravine fall or if you are ever going to see me again. And I don't want you rushing straight over to Ymprana to take me home…

No need at all.

Love Jemmy.

(I gave the rat some of our food. I think it's died.)

Spider's note: That's our Jemmy! Always putting suggestions into people's minds! And yes, for the record Master Jinn did EXACTLY what she wanted and fetched her back! It's a good thing Ymprana's not that far from Coruscant really. Truth is that Jemmy had her beloved "Quiggy" wrapped around her little finger.

Poor man never got any peace!

No.2: Letter from Jemmiah Gleshan to Geraldine Pippage (that's me if you haven't figured it out yet!) on the ocassion of reaching the final of the Gabail Championship when we were aged about 15 years. Very important thing, Gabali, as you will soon see...

Look, we both know that we don't stand a Hutt in hell's chance of winning the Coruscant's girl school inter-challenge Gabali final in two days. The only reason we got this far was because of the fire at Bullen's Academy which mysteriously burned down the majority of the buildings and facilities, thus giving us a free ticket into the final.

Oh, I think you may have been a little too generous with the freighter fuel…

Still, here we are. The big final. And we are gonna lose big time.

Myra Reeskin's Ladies School were the hot faves from the start, as you well know. For all their saintly gentility and well educated femininity they are pretty darned good when armed with a Gabali stick.

As I see it, our only chance is to replace our team captain. She is of no use to us at all, ranting on about fair play and may the best team win and how it's the taking part that counts.

Quite simply: she has to go.

How are we expected to win with that kind of moral attitude? There's no room for gallantry within Gabali in this day and age! We need to go out there and break some legs, shed a little blood, fracture some skulls…dent some reputations. I say we get out there and wipe the pitch with them!

To this end I have enclosed with this letter a plan of how to temporarily abduct our team captain and have her replaced by her far more aggressively minded and tactical second in command, to whit me.

Once we've tied her to the chair in the basement we can simply get on with the job and knock seven Sith hells out of them!

Well, Spider my friend. What do you say to my proposal? Want to be my second in command out on the field of battle?

Master Jinn and Ben and a few others are coming to watch and I'd really like to show him that it was worth the temple's while sending me to such an exclusive school by causing as much mayhem and pain as possible! Let's make it a tournament worth watching! Let's get stuck in!!!


PS: Can you lend me fifty credits? I need to buy a replacement puck. Our only one was eaten by Mrs Krufflinger's cannoid Berti during this morning's practise and the vet said there's no telling when we will get it back…

Spider's Note: We did actually manage to win the final thanks to Jemmy's plans to kidnap the captain. Nobody liked her anyway...

Qui-Gon Jinn was horrified by the carnage, by the way, because Jemmy came back with a huge lump on her head. Nevermind, she deemed it a small price to pay for victory! There were a few broken fingers amongst the girls, that sort ofthing...missing  teeth, cuts and scrapes. And that was just what we did to each other! You should have seen what we did to them! Master "Sexy" Dexy Berlingside said it was a memory he would carry with him all his life. I dare say he would. Sixteen girl's jiggling up and down after a Gabali puck...

Jemmy's speech in the letter made a pretty good pep talk. I think she missed her vocation. She should have been a general in the Republic.

Oh, and there was absolutely no proof whatsoever to link me to that fire.

And I never did get my fifty credits back...