|Written by Jemmiah
Part One: Obi-Wanís viewpoint.
I think this has to rate as possibly the worst day of my life.
I say day; itís actually very late at night now. Somewhere along the line I must have lost track of the time.
Iíve been sitting for the last Sith knows how many hours trying to make sense of this whole thing. My conclusions?
There are no conclusions.
My brain is just completely numb. One minute everything is going fine and the nextÖ
Iíve seen people in Bacta before. Myself, Iíve been in the stuff on far too many occasions. Everyone keeps saying comforting things like: Itíll be fine. Thatís the best place for her right now, but of course they are wrong. The best place for you is back at your apartment with Evla and myself and Qui-Gon. Just like we were last night.
I donít understand how things can change so suddenly. You were fine yesterday. So was our child.
The idea of being a father took some mental adjustment, I can tell you. Shocked would have been the understatement of the millennium! But I did get used to the idea, quicker than I thought. I even began to imagine I might enjoy itÖ
My master has tried to console me by telling me that it just wasnít meant to be. Maybe heís right, but I still feel sickened. Hollow. Thatís a better word.
Like Iíve lost a part of myself.
Theyíre all worried about you, too. An-Paj comes in from time to time to check up on how youíre doing and he smiles and makes optimistic rumblings but itís difficult not to be worried. After all, if Rela hadnít found you slumped on the floor of the restaurant fresher when she did, you probably wouldnít even be here for me to complain to. Leona says that you were within ten minutes of being beyond help. Note to self: must hug Rela to within an inch of her life. Sheís outside with my master. I think sheís been crying.
Iíd love to cry too but itís a luxury I canít afford right now.
They are going to keep you in the tank for another five hours; at least thatís what Leona told us. For the time being the only thing I can do is place my hand against the glass and watch you. An-Paj is trying to figure out what caused you to lose our child but I think heís as much at a loss as the rest of us.
You werenít too happy about this whole parenthood idea, yet I understood that some of it was just an act. Like last night when you complained about the probability of looking like a Hutt that had swallowed a beach ball. My master nearly choked on his glass of water! And then when you laughingly suggested you wouldnít be able to see your feet to paint your toenails, I looked at you to see how miserable you were.
I almost think you were happy.
Evla is extremely upset, of course. Sheís not been well of late and my master is worried how this is going to affect her. Itís selfish of me, I know, but Iím more worried how this might affect us. Everyone keeps saying how tough you are and how youíve come through worse but they only see whatís on the surface. For a non-Jedi you shield very well. Youíre not in the least bit tough.
Kryztan Harkley has gone missing, or so his master thinks. Heíll turn up no doubt. I donít care if he does or not and I know you certainly wonít, but all the same I understand how concerned Master Berlingside is. Just one more upset person in the temple today.
Qui-Gon is waiting outside. He wanted to give me some time alone with you, which was very good of him. Rela doesnít want to see you like this so she is staying outside. Simeon has popped in to see you too. Heís still looking a bit on the green side, poor fellow, even after nearly two months since..
I am never going back there.
If we ever get married I think weíll have to hold the ceremony in a Bacta tank! You see couples do those sorts of things. Some of them get married under water, some of them on tightropes over ridiculously high waterfalls. Yoda could officiate, although we wouldnít be able to hear him. I suppose he could just prod at us with his stick when he wanted our attention.
I know, I know. Itís silly. But it helps pass the time. Thatís why Iím composing this letter in my mind, even though you canít hear it.
Iím sure An-Paj is right, and you will be fine. Even so, I donít dare leave until theyíve removed you from the tank. Just get better soon, please.
Donít make me any more desperate than I am right now.
Written by Mouse
Part 2: Rela's viewpoint
It's my fault. Rela told herself as she sat on the floor hugging her knees.
Not Jemmiah. Not Obi-Wan. The tears started again.
I just wanted them to be happy. Truly happy. Something that Iíll never have. Of all the times Qui-Gon had to listen to me, why this? Why did this have to happen to them? Of all the people in the galaxy why them? Why couldnít it have been my mother? She wouldnít have cared. She told me so. Stop it! This isnít about you! Itís about Jemmiah and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan. Oh, force Obi-Wan! How I wish I could be there for you like you were for me, but I canít go in there. I know you understand why, but that shouldnít matter. I should be able to overcome my fears to comfort my friends. I never told either of you how much you mean to me. I donít have that many friends and I consider you both my best friends. Now Iíll never get the chance to tell you how I really feel.
Rela covered her head with her arms to muffle the sound of her crying.
Iíve always known about the force, but never truly believed in it until now. Thatís the only way I can describe it. Something told me to go look for you Jemmy. It wasnít a feeling, and it wasnít a passing thought. I remember it distinctly and will remember it for the rest of my life. It said //Find Jemmiah!//. Nothing in this galaxy could have prevented me from ignoring it. Then I found you. You were slumped on the Ďfresher floor, and...Oh force! What could I do? Nothing! The only thing that came to mind was to get Leona. Thank the force she was with us. What was I good for? Again nothing! Then I started crying and havenít been able to stop since. Please Jemmiah you have to make it through. For yourself. For Obi-Wan. For Qui-Gon. For Evla. Maybe even for me.
Rela felt a calming hand on her shoulder. She looked up through tear filled eyes into Qui-Gonís weary ice blue ones.
"You should be with Obi-Wan and Jemmiah right now." she told him as she wiped some of the tears away.
"Heíll let me know when they need me." he told her as he stretched his arms out toward her.
Hungry for some sort of contact, Rela climbed into his lap as Qui-Gon quickly enveloped her in his arms.
"Iím sorry. I never meant for something like this to happen. I never thought..." she whispered through her seemingly never ending tears. Qui-Gon shushed her comfortingly.
"I just wanted them to be happy."