| It Takes One to Know One By Jemmiah |
| ENTRY SIXTY-FIVE: The game is well and truly up. I tried to keep up my pretence about what happened with Sophie but the CCID managed to get in touch with the Wookiee that found me in the street. It seems she was quite worried about me and had called the temple to see if I was okay, which was very nice of her. An-Paj asked her if she'd seen anything of what had happened and she said that she'd seen a whole bunch of kids who were 'slightly bigger' than me kicking something on the ground. She'd walked over to see what it was and it turned out that the object she'd thought was a bunch of old rags happened to be me. The other kids got scared and ran off. An-Paj told her to contact the nearest sec station and report what she had seen and now it appears my story is out. I'm still sticking to the tale that I remember nothing about it. I'd look pretty silly if I suddenly admitted I'd lied. Maybe my memory can make a gradual recovery… They are going to go round and interview some of my classmates. In a way I'm relieved it's nearly over. Evla had brought Jemmiah the news that evening, informing her of the plain facts as gently as she could. Both eyes had been trained directly upon the child's face so that she could gage her reaction, yet Jemmiah remained unmoved and unflinching, disclosing little of her feelings. The force however told Evla a different, more revealing story to the one told by Jemmy's subdued copper eyes. Relief…yes, Evla could sense that in abundance. Uncertainty…fear? But, wondered the crèche master, processing the emotions in silence, a fear of what? "You knew, didn't you?" Evla's words took the form of a statement than an actual question. "About the attack. You knew who your attacker was." Jemmiah said nothing, merely fidgeting with ties of her nightdress and looking down into her lap. "And yet you said nothing. Why is that?" Again she was answered by the almost imperceptible, resigned shrug of shoulders. "We could have had this whole sorry business taken care of long ago if you had told us what you knew." Evla's pronouncement was simply a statement of fact, not condemnation. Bullying, whether mental or physical was a delicate matter and called for a lot of understanding and patience - but how could Evla hope to truly comprehend what was going on if Jemmiah remained as closed as a Corellian clam? "I just don't understand what made you lie to us like that…don't you trust me?" Slowly, carefully, Jemmiah allowed her eyes to meet those of Evla Sovalla. It wasn't that she didn't trust Evla - she did! But it had long been ingrained in Jemmy's mind that talking was bad…talking would get you killed sooner rather than later. On Nargotria it had been her whole existence, more than just habit: it had become the inescapable truth that governed her life. Secrets were not meant to be shared, but rather carried with you to the grave: it was the safest way in the end. Then nobody could hurt you. But could she ever say so to Evla's face without hurting her? "I…I couldn't remember." Jemmy mumbled, sounding uncertain. "Only bits. But I did…" "Mislead me?" Finished Evla. Jemmiah nodded. "I sorta worked it out. Filled in the blanks." "You didn't take your aircab home." Evla permitted herself to move her chair closer to Jemmiah's bed now that she felt they were making some progress. "Why was that?" "They chased me." The voice answered, sounding small yet conversely indignant. "They?" Jemmiah sighed. Evla really wanted her to spell out every detail; every particular happening that had led up to the attack. The truth was that she didn't really want to relive the whole ghastly ordeal, especially as admitting to the ongoing feud between herself and Sophie might not leave herself looking particular blameless. It took two to start an argument and Jemmiah had been more than willing to fan the flames of discord between herself and the porcine Digwurt. Only now, lying in an infirmary bed feeling sorry for herself with all the time in the galaxy to reflect did Jemmiah realize that Qui-Gon had been proven correct. Retaliation had gained her nothing but a severe beating. Ultimately some of the blame had to rest on herself. "My classmates. They're not so bad…just that they're afraid of being picked on by Sophie, so they follow me around and yell at me all the time. Call me lots of names, that kind of stuff. I understand why they do it…because it's easier for them if they do. People do that, don't they," Jemmiah asked Evla directly, still feeling the discomfort and tight skin from her recently healed split lip, "Do things they don't want to do. Things that are bad. If it means that they can carry on without trouble." "That doesn't make them nice people." Evla shook her head sadly. "It takes guts to stand up to bullies. I'd say your classmates were as selfish and gutless as this Sophie person who keeps pestering you." "Maybe." Jemmy felt slightly disappointed in Evla's answer, knowing that the crèche master would never understand. "Sophie's the one who's had it in for me from the word go. I mean, she's not even clever. She's horrible, mean, spoiled and likes the sound of her own stupid voice! But because she's bigger than everyone else she expects everyone else to bow and scrape like they were slaves!" "And let me guess," Evla smiled approvingly, "you wouldn't bow or scrape?" "Right! So it got Sophie mad - really, really mad! And she's been picking on me ever since. I've tried everything…ignoring her, reasoning with her…I even tried to call a truce once, but she wouldn't listen! And once she got me so mad that I wanted to get even with her, but all that did was make her even more angry. That's why I'm here." Jemmiah looked sourly around the stark hospital ward, shivering against the oppressive coldness that seemed to permeate the entire infirmary. "I made her look stupid and she tried to kill me for it. Because I wouldn't be one of her lackeys. I'll never," Jemmy stuck out her chin obstinately, "be anyone's slave ever again!" "I agree with you. I think you were right to stand up for your beliefs." Evla replied, watching mirthfully as the Corellian's jaw slackened in outright disbelief. "You didn't think I'd say that?" Jemmiah gawked back at Evla. "N-n-no! I didn't…not when Qui-Gon says that it was wrong to get even." "And he was right. It was wrong. Morally it takes away the steady ground from under your feet. Sometimes fighting back makes you out to be no better than the worthless individuals you're brawling with. But there are ways of going about things, Jemmiah. You can still hold on to your principles and maintain your beliefs without resorting to violence or physical threats. And, well…if all else is lost and somebody intends to do violence to you, I see no reason why self-defense should not be applied. Provided you don't stick the boot in first." Jemmiah winced as she thought of Sophie rolling about the floor in agony after breaking her teeth on the stone-laced rock cakes. True, nobody had asked Sophie to break into her locker, steal and eat her food…but Jemmiah had known that she would and that was almost as good as handing them to her personally and telling the girl to get her snout stuck into them! And worst of all, Jemmiah had laughed. She'd been glad of the pain Sophie had suffered, because she'd deserved it for all the torments she'd inflicted on her just because she was so vulnerable and small. She had stuck the boot in first, as Evla described it. How she was paying the price for it now! "They don't like me because I look strange and talk funny." Jemmiah started to itch at the bacta bandage remaining on her badly bruised arm. "I never knew it was a crime to be different." "It's the sort of attitude that threatens to disrupt the Republic." Nodded Evla, wondering what hope there was for the galaxy if children were being indoctrinated at such an early age to hate everyone and everything that didn't 'fit in'. "There will, sadly, always be people who believe that you should stick to your own planet and leave affairs of the Capital solely to those born on Coruscant. 'You stay in your corner and I'll stay in mine'…that kind of tribal nonsense." "They're all jealous because Corellians are best at everything!" Jemmiah let herself inflate ridiculously with importance, causing Evla to laugh at the improper display of pride. "I heard Master Berlingside say so to Master Jinn. Corellians do it best, he said…" "Moving swiftly on," Evla coughed to cover the faint trace of embarrassment she was feeling, "I have to ask you something, Jemmiah. And I'd like an honest answer. Please," she begged her, pushing aside the long braid of hair that had been hanging loosely over one shoulder, "tell me how long this has been going on for?" Jemmiah gave a small snort of disgust. Could she put a firm date on it? Had there ever been a single moment that she could pinpoint as the exact time Sophie had declared war upon her? Everything - all the taunts and torments - had blurred into one single, endless round of bullying so that Jemmy couldn't pick out one trigger incident which had set the giant boulder of fate inexorably steamrollering towards her. Even now she could remember Sophie's milk curdling glower as she'd sat down at her desk for the very first time, waiting to be announced to the class. "She hated me from the word go." Jemmy finally answered, much resigned. "I hadn't even taken my jacket off or sat down and she'd decided to make my life hell. Least now I know…" "Know what?" Evla wondered, leaning forward to tuck the girl into her sheets. "That there was nothing I could have done to stop it, really. You can't be friends with someone who just out-and-out wants to hate you for no reason." "Does Qui-Gon know that you were being bullied?" Evla asked her bluntly. Jemmiah looked away then gave one curt, negative shake of the head. "He knows there were problems with Sophie." Admitted Jemmy reluctantly. "But I tried to cover up how bad they were. I said I could handle it. I dunno why…I just didn't like the idea of moving to a new place and…" "Letting her win?" Offered Evla. "No," Jemmiah bit her lip for a moment, "of it starting all over again with other kids. Coz it wouldn't matter where I went: people would still think I was a skinny runt with horrible hair and weird eyes. Better the devil you know than the one you don't." Evla finished primping the blankets and the pillow, wishing there was some way she could make the miserable figure before her feel happier. At first she'd felt that just talking with her might help but now Evla could plainly see that Jemmiah found it increasingly difficult to communicate with people, even those she professed to trust. Was there something she could do to help? Any way at all of breaking down invisible barriers long rusted into place through time and bitterness? What must she have experienced to be so cynical…so hardened to life at such a tender age? Evla acknowledged that she might not actually want to know, no matter how much she wished to assist the girl. Perhaps when Qui-Gon came back she might ask him… But when Qui-Gon came back she would have no legitimate reason to pry, for Jemmiah would go back to her guardian and his padawan, hopefully to put the likes of Sal-Fina and Sophie behind her for good. So why did the idea of letting her go seem so dispiriting to her? "Never, ever be scared to confide in someone if there's something you need to tell, or get off your mind." Evla stroked the long strands of hair at the side of Jemmiah's head, hoping the action would be perceived as comforting. "It doesn't matter who it is…whether it's Qui-Gon, or Obi-Wan…or me." She added, smiling down at her. "No matter how difficult it is or whatever is wrong. Now," She straightened up again instantly businesslike, "I have to tell you that the council have asked to see you after An-Paj has given you the all-clear to be discharged from the infirmary. So, get plenty of rest. You don't want to look exhausted and weary-legged before Master Yoda, do you?" "The council?" Jemmiah's eyes widened in alarm. "What do they want with me?" But Evla refused to be drawn more on the subject, something that only added to Jemmy's consternation. If it was the council then it must be important! And what could be so important that they would drag a recovering-from-injury non-jedi nobody before them? There was only one thing that it could be: something to do with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's mission. Jemmy gulped nervously. Maybe something's happened to Quiggy and Ben? Jemmiah's mind began to wonder all manner of possibilities, and none of them good. Oh, please…don't let anything bad have happened! But with Ben's record what chance do they stand? Surely the council wouldn't call me infront of them to tell me that they were…if they had… Evla would have told her if they'd been killed, wouldn't she? Jemmiah felt utterly sick to the stomach, not knowing whether she wanted tomorrow to come so that she could find out the truth, or hoping that the day would never arrive so that, at least in her mind, Ben and Quiggy would be okay. "Is something wrong, sweetheart?" Evla wondered, noting the girl's despondent expression. "What…" Jemmy ventured, trying her best not to think about what might have happened to her family, "…what will happen to me now? With Sophie, I mean? Because when I go back to school she'll try to kill me again." Evla gave a very strange, hollow sounding bark of laughter that had Jemmiah staring at her in surprise. "Oh, let me assure you of one thing," the crèche master's hazel eyes narrowed into animal like slits of annoyance, "that Sophie Digwurt has more immediate problems to contend with right now…" ENTRY SIXTY-SIX: Well, here it is. The big day. An-Paj has reassured me that if something had happened to either Quiggy or Ben that someone would have told me by now and that the council would not want to speak to me formally about something like that. He said they would send Mace or someone else if the worst had happened. ENTRY SIXTY-SEVEN: I got the shock of my life just now! Windy appeared to take me before the council. I nearly had heart failure!!! When I pulled myself together I fried An-Paj with a nasty glare, and he blushed a sort of purply blue color. It was a really nice shade! I'm going to have to see what else I can do to get him to blush like that! If it's not bad news what is it they want to talk to me about? Maybe Sal-Fina's found out about that stuff I put in her tea! Maybe they've found someone even more horrible to look after me just because I was so horrid back. Anyhow, here goes nothing… Jemmiah had visited the council chambers once before, but this time it somehow seemed an even more daunting prospect than on the last occasion. Walking slightly in the shadow of Mace Windu's long robe, Jemmy tried her best to be both calm and single-minded, focusing on putting one foot ahead of the other and looking dead ahead, chin held high. She didn't want Mace or any of the others to think that she was scared - even if it was the truth. No doubt Yoda would see through her as if she were made out of sheet glass; how could anyone fail to see the shaking in her limbs or hear the palpitations of her pounding, hammering heart? An-Paj had cleared her to leave but for once Jemmiah had felt so reluctant to go lest the council relay the worst possible news to her regarding Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan that she'd almost felt like clinging to the edge of the blanket until she was physically pulled off the bed. That would have been a first, Jemmy noted wryly: somebody turning down the chance to escape the infirmary! Of course An-Paj had been there to see her off, watching the way she moved to be certain that she was fit and able to get up and about. The bacta had been of immeasurable help in healing her bruises and tissue damage even if Jemmiah found herself constantly sniffing the air as she walked besides Mace, constantly aware of the lingering aroma of bacta on her skin. She couldn't help but hope that, should the smell waft down the corridor to any passing jedi padawans, they might actually think the source of the stink was Master Windu… Why does the temple seem so ferocious all of a sudden? Jemmiah shivered as she looked at shadows she'd never even noticed before. Even the statues seem to be staring at me…kriff, I just want to curl up and hide some place! Wordlessly, Mace slowed his step down allowing Jemmiah to catch up with him, and on drawing level the man placed a large hand upon the girl's shoulder as if to steady her nerves. Was it that apparent then? Evidently so, if Mace's reaction was anything to go by. Jemmiah liked to think it was a sign of a guilty conscience, a tacit apology for being dense enough to put her in Sal-Fina's care. Maybe she was reading too much into it but it was nice to think that Mace, for all his high-handed council dealings, had the ability to feel remorse. Certainly, if she were to close her eyes and concentrate on the warmth of those fingers against he shoulder she could almost imagine the person next to her to be Qui-Gon, trying to lend her strength at a difficult time. Very well.Jemmiah decided to be magnanimous and generous to the man who's ill judgement had unwittingly caused her a lot of heartache. I forgive you. Life's too short to hold trivial grudges…it's the BIG grudges that count! I am so going to make Sophie suffer for what she did to me! And I will wait and wait…because one day I will get my chance! And if I don't then somehow - I don't know how, but it will! - the force will sort her out! Quiggy says that what goes around comes around. As long as it comes around armed with a heavy, blunt Gabali stick, I don't care how long it takes! Even although Master Windu's gesture was both friendly and well intentioned - not to mention gratefully accepted - Jemmiah's mind was still constantly turning over and over. What if he wasn't apologizing at all? Why else would Mace feel the need to offer comfort? Again and again the worst case scenarios began to vividly take hold of Jemmiah's mind, with images of her guardians injured…missing…suffering all the torments that a thousand Sophie Digwurts could heap on them! It burned at her heart to think that these wonderful, incredibly special people would put their life on the line time and time again. They had to be okay! They just had to be! Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were the only reason she had to keep on breathing… Mace was confusing her. He was so calm and stoic just like most normal jedi, that it didn't really hold any weight with her when he said not to worry and that everything was alright. If the temple fell down around his ears he would still not so much as bat an eyelid! And Evla…where was she? Didn't she know how much Jemmiah needed her there? Why had she not offered to accompany her? Even if she had waited outside that would have been enough: that way Jemmy would still know that she cared. "Not much further." Mace said, interrupting her thoughts. "But then you will remember that from the last time you were here. They'll be expecting us." "Why?" Jemmiah steeled herself to ask. Mace ignored her by way of asking a totally unrelated question. "How do you feel?" He inquired, looking down at the alarmed, pinched face. "That was quite a beating that you took. I know An-Paj gave you the all-clear but are you sure you are up to this?" Jemmiah gave him an incredulous look. "That all depends on what you have to say, doesn't it?" She asked, still very much aware of the tenderness in her newly healed skin. The bacta had repaired the wounds and bruising, yet she still felt as if she'd been held upside down and shaken until all her bones disintegrated into little shards. She suddenly found herself staring at the door that led to the main council chamber, and took a big, deep breath. Obi-Wan always said that in times of stress controlling your breath was an important part of getting on top of a bad situation. Jemmiah tried it experimentally a few times before coming to the conclusion that the theory, like Obi-Wan, was just so much hot air. You fraud, Ben! Jemmiah thought furiously. It's done nothing for me! Great…just great. Look at me, I'm a nervous wreck! It's a good thing Evla can't see me. She'd think I was such a coward… The hand on Jemmiah's shoulder slackened, then fell away entirely to hang at Mace's side amidst a swathe of loose, brown fabric, just as the door slid back. This time Jemmy found herself holding her breath, not expelling it. The same terrible, oxygen-starved feeling she'd experienced on being shut up inside Sal-Fina's cupboard assailed her once again as she followed Mace across the marble floor tiles to stand in the center of the floor, surrounded by the familiar faces of the jedi council. Jemmiah wondered if protocol somehow demanded that she bow to each of the masters in turn, but Mace steered her deliberately over to face Yoda, who sat inscrutably in his chair, sleep eyes observing her behind heavy, green lids. Jemmiah blinked nervously as the lids opened fractionally, feeling not only Yoda's gaze upon her but that of the other eleven members of the council. "How fare you, imp?" Yoda asked, his voice lightly teasing. Jemmiah felt her eyes straying to the twitching ears, once again marveling at how the merest flicker could portray so much. "Heard we did of your plight. Concerned we were." Jemmy ventured to look from Yoda, up to Mace, then around to Yaddle, and Depa Billaba…all the way around the circle until finally winding up staring back at Yoda once again. They DID look concerned! All of them…it was just so puzzling! She'd known that at first not all of them had even wanted her to stay in the temple, which was why she was having such a hard time understanding their anxiety at this particular moment. Clearly something had changed. What could it be? "I…I feel better, Master Yoda." Jemmy glanced nervously back up at Mace again, seeking reassurance once more. "It doesn't hurt much. Not now, anyway." "Your attacker has been identified, I am informed." Mace nodded back at her. "That at least will be of some comfort to you." Why all the small talk, wondered Jemmy? Why all the pleasantries and courtesies - why not get right to the point? If something was wrong with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan she had a right to find out! Jemmiah didn't want to play games any more. She didn't want to know: but she had to, for her own peace of mind. Another moment of not knowing might just send her over the edge… "Impatient you are." Yoda sighed, his ears falling slightly. "But understandable this is. Behaved well you have, I am told. Even in difficult circumstances." This time the wizened master's eyes drifted over to the uncomfortable figure of Mace Windu. "But, time it is to rethink what is best for you." Jemmiah felt her heart jump up to reach her throat. Were they going to send her away someplace? Why? What had she done? Kriff, had they really found out about those worms in Ambianca's tea? But if she were moved out of the temple, what would Qui-Gon say about that? Unless they already knew that he wasn't coming back… "M-masters…" Jemmiah held her hands respectfully behind her back, attempting to appear conscientious, "I don't understand why you asked me here." She blinked her eyelids up at Mace, hoping to disarm him with the subtle gesture that she had long since leaned to beguile Qui-Gon with whenever she badly wanted something. It seemed to work on Mace too, judging by the honest expression he'd decided to adopt. "It would appear," Windu hesitated for a moment, "that there may have been an initial mistake as regards the choice of the guardian selected in Qui-Gon's absence, and on reflection it seems that Master Falmar might not have been the best candidate to look after you, given that she is always so…busy." "You mean absent." Jemmiah mumbled so that only Yoda could lip-read her words. "We've lined up somebody else, seeing as how we felt it was time to allow someone else a chance to care for you. Just whilst Master Jinn is away," Mace hastened to add incase the offer wasn't to Jemmiah's liking. "But this time we felt it was only fair to give you a say. Perhaps you would like to tell us your opinion on…." He said just 'whilst Master Jinn is away'. That means he's not dead: they're expecting him to come home! Jemmiah could have danced a jig for joy on the spot or grabbed Master Yoda and spun him round and round in circles! And they haven't found out about the worms in the tea! I can't believe how good this feels…the relief is almost unbearable! Hang on, what did Windy say there… And suddenly, standing there at the corner of the room was Evla Sovalla. How did she get in? Wondered Jemmiah in a complete daze. I never saw her…I never heard anything! I was so busy thinking of Ben and Quiggy that I never listened to what Master Windu was saying. Evla's come to tell them how badly Sal-Fina's treated me! That's so good of her…she must have known that I needed her with me! "…Offer you a choice, we would." Yoda was saying as Jemmiah snapped her attention away from the smiling Evla back to the matter in hand. "Wonder we do, if stay with Master Falmar and her padawan you would prefer, or move in with Master Sovalla instead, hmmm?" She was in shock. Yes - that was it! In shock! Her jaw was hanging indelicately wide open but she was powerless to raise it up! With Evla? Stay with Evla…was that what Yoda had said? Had she imagined it? Was the force playing cruel tricks on her hearing? "The choice is totally yours," Mace stepped back as if to give her some space to decide, "but Master Sovalla has asked the council to officially put her request to you. She's volunteered to take you in, if you are willing, and has been allowed to reschedule her crèche shifts accordingly should you agree. So," he said after getting no initial response from the dumbstruck Corellian, "Would you prefer to remain with Ambianca and Master Falmar?" "I'd sooner Corelli-kiss a Hutt's backside!" Jemmiah growled back at him, before realizing exactly what she had said infront of such highbrow company, instantly covering up her mouth with both hands. Force preserve her - what had she said?!? And what must the council think of her, the uncouth urchin that Qui-Gon Jinn had dragged home from one of the seediest, sleaziest corners of the galaxy? Slowly and with great horror Jemmiah looked round once again, knowing that the council must surely be disgusted with her lack of respect to a fellow jedi master… Why then did she get the impression that they were trying not to laugh? Why was Mace looking so deliberately at the floor, his lips twitching? Why was it that Depa's shoulders were quivering ever so slightly? Or Yaddle's mouth closed so firmly that it resembled one thin, compressed line? Why was Evla grinning unashamedly from the doorway? "Well, I think that rather sorts that one out." Mace said after everybody had regained their composure. "Master Sovalla, we are officially putting Jemmiah in your care until Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan return. For the moment, may the force be with you both." "Hey, I knew you were okay!" Jemmiah gave Mace an impromptu hug round the middle, taking him by surprise. "Deep down. It's just that you keep it well hidden, don't you!" Was that Yoda laughing now, Jemmiah wondered as Evla led her out of the council chambers? What had she said that was so funny? ENTRY SIXTY-EIGHT: I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Woooohooooo! I'm saved! I don't have to live with the old dragon any more! No more being locked out, or wandering rainy streets or even being shoved into cupboards…I'm free! I'm so happy that I could yell! Except that my head still hurts a bit so I don't think that would be a good idea. But who cares about that??? So now I have a place to stay and actual food, where my diary is safe from prying eyes and I can put Snordle on a shelf in the fresher room without having to worry about Ambianca stealing him. I've got a room with a comfortable bed and one of those rugs that my toes disappear in! I still miss Master Jinn and Ben…but this way I believe the absence is more than bearable! |
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