| ***** Lilith saw the barely repressed amusement glinting in Simeon Cate's lively black eyes. "Ok. Simeon Cates, I believe it's your turn." Lilith walked forwards and pressed against him as she tried to delve into his pockets. "Hey, if I say you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" He smiled. "Ha ha. They do say the old ones are best." "That's what I was hoping to find out." He winked at Rela. Lilith took his insolent banter for what it was and played along with it. "What's this?" She pulled out what appeared to be a piece of fabric. Simeon made a grab for it but Lilith maintained possession. "That's my hanky." Cates remarked. "Bassalads! When was the last time you washed it?" Lilith dropped it in disgust. "Don't blame me! I've had sinus problems." Simeon took the dirty rag away from her amidst many loud groans. "What else is in here? Or do I not want to know?" Lilith continued to ferret around with her fingers until they came into contact with something, cold, wet and slimy. She gave a startled yelp and flung the offending object some feet to land on a table next to Sal-Fina. "What the hell is that? You are one strange boy! How the heck did the Jedi EVER allow you as an apprentice healer?" She shuddered. "What was it?" Sybelle sat as far back from the sticky thing as possible. "That is DISGUSTING!" Jemmy moaned. "It's massive!" Abran looked horrified. "Look at the mouthparts on that thing!" "I wouldn't want that chomping my clothes." Zac smirked. Rela and Spider smiled. So did Hmiol. "I don't know what that is!" Cates began to panic. "It's horrible! What is it? S'pose there are more of them? He looked at his clothing, hoping not to see any others. "There's one!" Hmiol yelled, pointing at Simeon's back. "Where!" screamed Simeon. "Obi, get it off me!" "There's nothing there. Garos is pulling your leg." Kenobi sighed. Simeon glared at the smug face of Garos Hmiol. He'd get him soon enough. Rela walked over to examine the slimy creature closer. "I'd stop panicking if I were you, Cates." She said eventually. "I don't s'pose you like Corellian Tequila, by any chance?" "Yes, why?" Simeon frowned. "Because what you have there is one of the giant Corelli worms they put in the bottle." She smiled. "A worm?" He let out a big sigh. "You've got worms, have you Cates?" An-Paj remarked. "I know just the cure for that." Simeon started to seethe as the females in the room crowded round the worm for a better look. Hmiol was in considerable trouble now! Lilith caught the smug look on Hmiol's face the same way she'd recognized the merry glint in Simeon's eyes minutes earlier. "Padawan Hmiol? Care to show us what you've got?" Lilith drawled. Why did Garos suddenly feel uneasy? "Is nobody paying attention?" Lilith asked. "Sorry, they're all examining my worm." Simeon said boastfully, causing Rela and Jemmy to laugh. "Is vulgarity taught at the Temple or is it just picked up along the way?" Lilith asked Krelo as she slid her hands into Hmiol's pockets. A holo photo. A nude holo photo, in a somewhat raunchy pose. "It's not mine!" Garos could hardly squeak out the words. "Of course not." Sighed Qui-Gon. "It's always the same. Never prepared to admit when they've done something wrong." Berlingside nodded. "I think we need to have a little talk, padawan." The tipsy form of Far Biwo put his hand on Hmiol's shoulder. "That sort of thing is not very nice." Then he shocked his padawan even further. "So I'm going to confiscate it until we've discussed the morality involved in this case." He took the holo picture from Hmiol's shaking hands and then proceeded to study it for a minute. "Qui-Gon, old friend. Would you say that was a mole or a dirty smudge mark?" "Where?" Jinn frowned as he bent his head round to study the picture. "Let me see that." Dex joined in. "It's a smudge mark." Mace pronounced. "Then again…I'm not sure. I might have to have another look to make up my mind." "Yes." Jinn agreed. "We really need some kind of image intensifier…" All the females were giggling over Simeon's worm and all the males were concerned with Hmiol's holo picture. It left Lilith standing on her own. "Great." She growled. "Just great. What d'you have to do to get someone's attention in this place? Going by what's currently popular, if I were a scantily clad centipede I might just stand some kind of a chance…" "I think we should be heading along now, Lil." Krelo tried to encourage her friend to move with a small nudge of the arm. Lilith pulled a face, but realized that nobody was paying her any attention anyhow, and so agreed with Krelo. She saw the rather relieved expression on Sal-Fina's face and watched as the tall blonde hurried away as quickly as she could towards the door. "Waaaaait a second!" Lilith's commanding voice roared above the general chatter and noise. "I think there was one person who didn't empty anything out onto the table. And we want to know why, don't we Sal-Fina?" Sal-Fina froze. "I don't have anything in my pockets." She swallowed, recovering her composure just a little too late. "Oh dear. Somebody's fibbing." Qui-Gon smiled at her. "You can always tell. Your left eyebrow does a funny little dance all of its own whenever you're trying to convince somebody you're telling the truth but are in fact lying incredibly poorly." The Jedi scowled. "You take that back!" she said angrily. "You turn out your pockets and then I'll take it back." Qui-Gon swayed as he watched her eyes dart anxiously from side to side. Lilith stepped forward with the visage of an executioner. "C'mon Sal. Empty 'em." "No!" "Everyone else has. Your padawan has." Lilith pointed out. "But…" "Oh, it can't be that bad. Surely not." Captain Demodae slid her hand into Sal-Fina's left pocket and brought out a small, crumpled pink…something or other. "Well, I'll be a Vrelt's ass!" Lilith whistled as she held aloft the item that was causing her so much embarrassment. "An edible brassiere!" Even inspite of her sore leg, Jemmy howled with laughter. "I want to know who'd be mad enough to want to eat it!" Jemmiah wiped away the tears of laughter. "Give it to Obi. He's ALWAYS hungry." Simeon grinned. "He'd prefer Jemmy in 'em." Jay answered insinuatingly. "She wouldn't fit." Gethin remarked, looking uneasy as all eyes turned his way. Both Jemmiah and Sal-Fina reddened and gazed at the floor. "Professional opinion only." He added hurriedly. Lilith put her hand in the other pocket and brought out an old looking holo picture… Of Sal-Fina and Qui-Gon. "This I've got to see," Jemmiah hobbled over to Lilith's side. She looked from the holo to Sal-Fina and back again. "Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" She drawled. "That's never you. Where are all the wrinkles?" "I do not have wrinkles." Sal-Fina hissed. "I may have the occasional line round my eyes. But that's laughter that's done that, nothing else." "I'm sorry," Jemmy shrugged as she handed the holo to Simeon, "but I wasn't aware you had THAT much to laugh about." Sal-Fina considered taking a swipe at Jemmy, but restrained herself. Barely. "There's one other person who hasn't emptied their belongings onto the table." Sal-Fina pointed out with a certain degree of satisfaction. "Who?" Simeon frowned. "That…friend of this Corellian creature." She indicated Jemmiah with a derogatory wave of the hand. "The girl who looks like she's walked into the middle of a paint fight." Spider glared, sticking out her bottom lip belligerently. "Why should I?" she asked. "I'm not part of your Jedi group." "Neither am I." Rela pointed out. "Quite." Sal-Fina strode forwards. "Let's see what YOU'RE hiding." She slid her hand into Spider's pocket. And let out a scream. "Well, if you will go around disturbing my pet baby Dinko, what do you expect?" Spider remarked. "Urgh! It bit me!" Sal-Fina cried out. "I've been savaged!" "I think we could be looking at a long course of injections." An-Paj winked as he examined the puncture wound on Sal-Fina's fingers. "Has it been de-venomed?" The healer asked. Jemmy smiled sweetly at Sal-Fina. I don't know. Sal-Fina, have you been de-venomed?" the Corellian questioned innocently. "I'm not sure I can make it to the Salamander." Jemmy moaned as she limped alongside Obi-Wan towards the exit. "I'm sure we can always find another skip…" Obi-Wan pretended to look round in search for the object in question. "Careful." Jemmy growled. "I hit cripples." Sal-Fina sniffed the sir in disgust as the three girls went past her. "What is that revolting stench?" She asked with loathing in her voice. "It's garbage. Rubbish. Effluence." Jemmy remarked, fixing the Jedi with a fiery glare. "Something I thought you'd have recognized during your socializing with the other sewer rats…" As Sal-Fina's jaw dropped in outrage, Jemmiah frowned. "Talking of which, where is your padawan anyway?" With that, Jemmiah walked away leaving Sal-Fina raging all on her own. "You really don't like her, do you?" Rela couldn't resist a smile. "What gave it away?" Jemmy asked, turning to face Spider. "How's the Dinko? Is it still alive?" "I think it's in shock." Spider grinned. "So's Sal-Fina." Rela replied as she helped Jemmy hobble through the door and out onto the street. Obi-Wan walked beside them, unable to assist with his hands still in bandages. "Let's play a little game." Rela smiled. "Yeah?" Jemmy winced. "What's that?" "Who's got the nicest rear? What do you reckon?" "No contest." Jemmy drawled Corellian style. "Sorry guys, but…it's me!" "Noooooo, idiot." Rela shook her head. "Not us. The guys." Jemmy looked at Spider. "Can't say as I've ever looked at 'em all at the one time." "Now's your chance." Spider's eyes began to twinkle with mischief. "You ready?" "Wait a moment!" Obi-Wan looked indignation personified as the girls let him walk past so they could get a good long look at his rump. "If I did that to a passing lady, I would get hauled over hot coals for harassment!" "I know. Sith happens, huh?" Jemmy giggled. "Not bad, not bad. What do you think Rel?" "Not bad shape." Rela agreed, sweeping her eyes over Kenobi's backside. "Course, you'd know more about that than I would, Jemmy." "Not much more." Jemmiah muttered. "Oh, well." "Marks out of ten?" Spider asked. "Ten." Jemmy said. "Eight." Rela piped up. "Six." Jemmy changed her mind. "Eh? What's wrong with it? Is it too big in these robes? Too small? If you don't tell me I shall have a complex for the rest of my life." Kenobi tried to crane his head round to see behind him. "There's nothing wrong Ben. It's just that you've got six appeal." Jemmy smiled. "Oh, very amusing." "What about Simeon?" Jemmy asked. Rela's grin widened. "Now that is one hell of a fine rump." She laughed. "I could do with seeing more of that." "Mmmmm!" Agreed Spider. "Perfect conformation." Jemmy agreed. "Tens all round, I think." "What? Simeon's got a nicer posterior than I have, is that what you're saying?" Obi-Wan looked deflated. "Look there's Qui-Gon! Let's sneak up on him!" Rela pointed as she started to drag an unprotesting Jemmiah towards the retreating form of the tall Jedi. "He's still not quite managing straight lines, is he?" Rela hissed. "Who cares? We've got a good view. He's not wearing his robes." Spider bent over whilst walking sideways behind the Jedi master. Qui-Gon stopped suddenly and Spider's face went right into him. "I've heard of close ups but that was ridiculous!" Rela pointed with a chuckle. "Can I help you at all?" Jinn sighed wearily as he turned round. "No, no. Everything's fine." Spider replied. "I just wanted to get a better look at your b…" The hand that Jemmiah clamped over her mouth cut off her voice. "There's a…" Jemmy started. "…thread." Rela supplied. "…yeah, thread. Thanks Rel." "No problem." "…hanging down from your tunic top." "Is there?" Qui-Gon tried to see it. "Yup," Rela said, "and we don't want you unravelling, do we? I think I'd better remove it, huh Babyface?" Rela quickly darted forwards and pretended to remove the stray thread. The look on her face as she got close was something that Jemmy would never forget. Rela gave a thumbs up sign. "What's going on?" Qui-Gon demanded. "It's gone now." Rela smiled. He walked away blearily shaking his head, completely nonplussed. "Well?" Jemmy asked. "OK. I could've done with more light." Jemmy looked further down the street. "How about you ask the glow-worm brigade if they'll stand still whilst they shine a little light on the subject." Jemmy tittered. Rela and Spider followed their friend's gaze with total astonishment. Hmiol was completely fluorescent yellow…so was Jodi. As were Ambianca, Meri, Sybelle and Dimallie. "What in the name of…" Lilith was incredulous. "That Abran boy has really done it this time! Stars sakes! Lightsabres with legs, that’s what they look like!" "You swine!" Sybelle yelped angrily at Jay, who backed hurriedly down the road as he tried to defend himself. "I'm just spreading a little sunshine!" He protested. "I look like a glow stick!" She hissed. When Griff snickered at her, she stamped hard on his foot again. "Well, it certainly does things for Ambianca." Jemmy nodded ad the crybaby ran to Sal-Fina for comfort. "I'm sure the moths will be coming for miles…" Simeon sauntered up to the little group. "Well, at least he didn't get ME this time." He grinned. The other four exchanged glances. "Er…Simeon." Rela smiled sweetly, "Have you been sucking the Limes from people's drinks, perchance?" "Yeah," he said surprised, "why?" Rela watched the illuminated pair of teeth flash at her. "No reason." She said. ***** Krelo sauntered along next to Lilith and grinned widely at the three girls gazing appraisingly at Qui-Gon's rear. She looked at Lilith and her grin widened. "You know, ladies, there's a much better way of going about that than simply looking." Krelo strode up to Dex and as she passed him, grabbed a nice large handful of his rear. Lilith crowed with laughter and indicated Krelo's move to Jemmiah. "Now -that's- how a Corellian should go about this sort of contest!" "He's at least an 8," Krelo purred as she rejoined them, a rather startled looking Dex staring after her. Since she and Lilith had been goosing men most of the night the elevation in tactics didn't seem to surprise anyone at all. Lilith copied her friend with Dex and both moved on to Qui-Gon, each grabbing a cheek. They walked on past the scandalized master already debating his score. "Dexie's an 8, but Qui's starting to get past his prime. I give him a 7," Krelo declared, not bothering to hide her evaluation from any of those involved. "I give Casanova a 7. He's too full of himself already. But I think Qui deserves an 8. For a man of his age and experience, he obviously is taking good care of himself," Lilith argued back. Krelo looked thoughtful. "I may have to agree with you on that one . . . But still . . ." Together they moved through the group, brazenly debating the 'virtues' of the men. Jemmiah could only shake her head. If Lilith and Krelo were typical Corellians it would seem that she had a little catching up to do. Krelo glanced over her shoulder at the girls trailing behind the tall duo. "Well? What are you waiting for? We'll have to have your input as well if this is going to be a truly fair and equitable contest. Lil and I are older, we need the opinion of some . . . younger hands." She grinned wickedly and beckoned them onward. "Come along." ***** Mace flopped himself down onto a seat by the bar; subconsciously fingering his recently acquired tattoo yet again under the protective covering of his Jedi sash. He watched as Jemmiah and Rela groped at Gethin, one from either side, but all the healer did was to increase his smile to the size of an upturned crescent moon. Qui-Gon seemed less impressed as he and Leona dragged themselves over to the bar to join their friend. "I just know I'm going to hate myself in the morning." Mace groused. "So will I." Jinn groaned. "What? Hate yourself?" "No." He said simply. "Hate you." Mace snorted in mock amusement. "What are you so worried about? You won't be able to remember tomorrow. Considering what you were like at the end of that Valorum drinking game I should think that's just as well." "They've got everything on holocam." Qui-Gon regarded Jemmiah and Obi-Wan helping each other to sit down. At the last moment Jemmy pinched the rather surprised but delighted padawan on the rear. "And worst of all it's full of things like that! It'll look like a film of our old wenching days when we were padawans!" "Those were the days." Sighed Mace. "Anyhow, what's Jemmiah got planned now?" "Knowing her it could be just about anything. We've had everything from mass kissing to snail racing. I just hope it doesn't require too much energy." "I sympathize." Mace nodded. Jemmiah nudged Spider. "This'll be good." She smiled. Spider turned to see the giant form of Flint, the Wookie from one of the earlier cantinas, making her way towards the assembled group armed with sheaves of flimsyplast. Garos Hmiol saw her approach and nearly died of shock when the hairy being shoved herself down next to him, placing a friendly hand on his knee. "Hi Flint," Jemmy drawled, "so you managed to make it out, did you? Got those sheets made up for me?" The Wookie nodded. "What's this, Jem?" Rela pointed at the flimsy sheets. "Our next little attempt to get to know each other better. This is our soul baring session. I've had a sheet made up with everyone's name on it. We shuffle 'em up and then everyone picks one. Then they get to fill in the questionnaire about the person they've chosen, being brutally honest of course. After they've done, they hand 'em back and we shuffle them again. Then we all read out the results." "Oh, I dunno about that one." Simeon swallowed. "We could all get torn to shreds. Say we get picked by someone who hates us?" He sneaked a swift glance at Hmiol from under his hooded brows. "It's a risk, Simmy, but we can't all be loved." Jemmy pinched his cheek. "Well?" Obi-Wan nodded. "I'll do it if everyone else is prepared to do the same." "Good." Jemmiah smiled. "That settles it." "But…" Simeon began. "You might get someone who likes you." Rela pointed out. "Don't count on it." Hmiol muttered to himself. Flint growled something close to him, and Hmiol nearly passed out from the raw meat smell on her breath. "She says you don't have anything to worry if she'd picks you." Jemmy laughed. "She'll look after you, Garos!" "So, shall I do the honors?" Rela was quick to stand and take the flimsy sheets from Flint. She walked over to Qui-Gon initially and offered him first choice. "What?" He exclaimed as she relayed Jemmiah's instructions. "That is not something I am going to do under any circumstances. No way. Absolutely not." "That's your final word, huh?" Krelo asked just a few feet away from him. "Yup." "Well, I think you ought to reconsider, JUNGLE BOY!" She grinned at him lasciviously. Qui-Gon went pale. "What did she mean?" Leona frowned. "She means, 'why don't I have a nice sheet of flimsy', don't you Krelo?" He forced a smile on his face as he took a writing instrument and selected his sheet. "That's the right choice you've just made." Krelo winked. Jinn watched Rela offer the next choice to Mace and then checked his own sheet to see whom his unlucky recipient was. He smiled when he saw whom the force had selected for him. I might enjoy this, Jinn smiled, still somewhat the worse for the alcohol he'd downed two cantina's ago. Hmm. But what should I write? The questions were designed to enable the writer to vent their spleen if the person of their choice was not perhaps their most favorite individual in the galaxy. NO.1: Any annoying habits that you can think of? NO.2: Something you like about this person. NO.3: Something you DON'T like about this person. NO.4: Helpful suggestions or advice you might give to this person. NO.5: Has this person ever been helpful or kind in anyway? If so, how? N0.6: Has this person ever been unhelpful or unkind in anyway? If so, how? N0.7: Would you trust this person to guard your back in a dangerous situation? N0.8: Please sum up your feelings for this person in less than 100 words. Qui-Gon chewed at the end of the writing stylus as he pondered his answers. So many things he could say. So many things he shouldn't say… What the heck. Obi-Wan stared at his sheet. This would prove to be a very revealing document indeed. When Rela started to hand out the writing tools he suddenly realized he had a BIG problem. "How am I s'posed to write like this?" He protested as he looked at the bandages. "How did you cope in the fresher?" Jemmiah asked with a wild laugh. Kenobi blushed. "I'm not doing that in this instance." He muttered. "Then I'll help you." She smiled at him, causing his heart to summersault. Rela caught the look and couldn't resist commenting. "Pass the sick bag." "I think we've both had enough of being sick, thank you!" Jemmiah arched an eyebrow at her friend. "Yeah, look. I said I was sorry." Rela replied. "I thought you were dying or something." "You might be if you got picked by who I think you did." Jemmy chuckled. "Eh? Who?" She demanded. "Now, now. Identities of the writers are kept secret. You know that." Jemmy looked about. "Don't s'pose you know who chose me, do you?" "What did you just say to me?" Rela smiled. "I'll just say this. Be very, very afraid…" Qui-Gon continued to gnaw away at the end of the writing tool as he contemplated the answers he had submitted. He was still stuck on the 'Any annoying habits' part. There were too many to count. Mace was sweating equally hard over his answers. Why, he wondered, did it feel like he was sitting an examination? He tried to think of a suitable way of summing up this person in under 100 words and realized pretty quickly that it would take an encyclopaedic effort to do his victim justice. Sal-Fina wet her lips as she tried to conjure up the suitable images that this person evoked. She found the writing easy. It was just unfortunate that she'd run out of space before she'd even reached 100 words. Jemmy, being of artistic inclination, got bored very quickly and started to draw stick figure diagrams to go along with the writing. Kylenn was still groggy and ended up writing off the flimsy and onto the table. Vernice fell across her flimsy half way through. Meri was glowing whilst writing her report. All the time, Rela could see everyone eyeing each other, trying to guess who had picked whom, and what they were saying about them. Everyone except for Hmiol, who was too busy trying to keep his mind off the large, hairy Wookie hand that was clamped on his knee… "Right." Spider looked at her wrist chrono. "Time's up!" "Already?" Mace looked disappointed. "Afraid so. Hand your answers face down to Rela. She'll shuffle them and then hand them back out at random. Each person will have to read one out." Mace grimaced and reluctantly put down his writing scribe. He'd just been getting into the swing of things; too… Jemmiah watched as Rela gathered together the sheaf of documents with the air of a schoolteacher who wouldn't be trifled with. She's in her element here, Jemmy thought, as the twinkle in those dark eyes became more pronounced. "OK, boys and girls. Take a sheet. No peeking as of yet." I hope they've been kind to me, sighed Simeon. I hope nothing embarrassing has been said about me, thought Mace. My person will never want to go out in public again, thought Sal-Fina with glee. "You all done? Good." Rela looked about her. "Right. Spider, you go first. Who are you gonna read out?" Spider cleared her throat. "Menali Jay Abran." Jay looked rather worried. "Ok, What does it say? Er…embarrassing habits. Jay Abran is a pain in the rear. Literally. He frequently gets the urge to pinch you on the backside. He thinks he's being fun and romantic but I've still got the bruises from his attack last week. He also whistles far too loudly. It's extremely irritating. Please stop it at once!" "Thank you!" Jay frowned. "I'm only being friendly." Spider continued. "Something I like about this person: He has a good sense of humor. I just wish he would use it against the Masters more! He also has a nicely sculpted body. Hmmm! Let's see more of it round the temple please, instead of hiding it underneath those robes." "THAT's more like it!" Jay said smugly. "This person has some semblance of taste. They obviously know an exquisite individual when they see one." "Something I don't like: there is a hole in the temple roof from where his big head crashed through. Abran, you are NOT the center of the galaxy. The sun does not revolve around you. The angels did not weep at your birth, although I expect your mother did. Not to mention your poor master." "I've changed my mind." Jay crossed his arms indignantly. "They don't have a brain cell to their credit." Spider grinned. "Helpful advice: Please don't smile as much. I'm going blind from the glare. And lose that silly neck chain. It makes you look like a tame cannoid. Wuff-Wuff!" Spider frowned. "With a little picture of you in a dog collar! It's a very good likeness. Although I think adding the lamppost is a bit risqué." "What's wrong with my neck chain?" Demanded Jay. "Has this person ever done anything kind or helpful: Not really. He likes to levitate ice cubes with the force and drop them down your neckline. That's not kind. He also likes to get you really drunk so you can't find your way back home. That's not helpful." "I resent that!" Abran huffed. "Has this person ever done anything unkind or unhelpful: He's still breathing. (Only joking) Too many to mention. His jokes backfire badly most of the time, but he's not spiteful. Just an idiot. But we can't punish him for that. If we did then most of the temple would be under lock and key…" "Oh, VERY kind!" snorted Qui-Gon, who had an idea who was behind this particular attack. "Would you trust this person to guard your back: No. Whilst he was guarding my back, he'd be groping my front." "That's outrageous!" Abran complained, but with a silly grin on his face whilst he said it. "Sum up in under 100 words: Menali Jay Abran is a show off. He thinks he's the best thing that's ever happened to the temple since the dawn of the Jedi. There are times when I wish someone would hit his silly smile with a brick. He's a cad, but in the nicest possible way. Jay is fun to be with provided your back isn't to him, and although he is exceedingly tight with his money I like him a lot. He also has extremely nice legs!" Jay Abran grinned. "Thanks Jemmiah." he said. ***** "Ok, you're next Dimallie." Rela nudged the hazel-eyed girl. "Who'd you get?" "Um...Master?" the brown haired girl muttered, looking over the flimsy in her hand. Glancing up, she turned large sorrowful eyes to Leona. //That bad, huh padawan?// Leona sent over the master/padawan bond, reading the girl's extreme discomfort. //Don't worry, it's only a game Dimallie. Remember what they say about sticks and stones...// "Well, go on Dimwit." Ambianca ventured insolently, "You can read, can't you?" "That's rude and uncalled for." Simeon spoke up defensively, glaring at the blonde across the table. Sal-Fina pulled her apprentice back, whispering into a cupped hand. Ambianca tittered maliciously then turned a sickly sweet smile to Dimallie. "I do apologize. Please read on." she drawled with mock remorse, turning her nose up at Simeon. "Healer Leona. Please." Dimallie read quietly, distressed at the insult to her master's name. "Annoying Habits: What doesn't she do that annoys me. This little pseudo-Jedi honestly believes that by dressing like a Corellian streetwalker and covering her face in make-up she might be able to hide her rather visible flaws and attract the attention of a man. She must be really desperate considering the object of those attentions. Annoying...more like downright shameful. "Something I like about this person? She makes even a Rancor look good next to her." Leona sat listening to the disparaging remarks with calmness borne of the Force. Around her, no one laughed or made light of the hurtful remarks. Only Sal-Fina and her padawan looked at all pleased with the goings on. A number of the participants glowered at the pair, Jemmiah particularly; who hadn't expected the game to take such a vicious turn. "Helpful suggestions" Dimallie continued, her head down, her voice a flat monotone. "Stick with adhering to your place in the Infirmary. It will cause much less embarrassment for you and those in your company. And please whatever Jawa is providing your fashion sense, get rid of him. "Sum up my feelings in 100 words? Why waste the effort." ***** There was a deadly silence for a moment. Leona could see Rela and Jemmiah formulating plans for revenge in their minds, and although she couldn't condone such actions she felt strangely flattered that two people she knew hardly anything about had felt strongly enough to stick up for her in a moment of crisis. As for Sal-Fina; evil was it's own reward. Or as Jemmiah would put it, she'd get hers! "Mace." Rela hurriedly prompted the Jedi to take center stage. "Your turn." All eyes swivelled towards Windu, who actually drew himself up, a mask of self-importance firmly in place. "Hurrrhh-Hurrrhhhh." He cleared his throat. "The person whose report I have the honor to read out is…An-Paj." "Interesting." Simeon grinned. "Watch it, padawan. YOU might be next." An-Paj replied with a friendly warning. Mace smiled as he read the list out. "I think we've got the wrong list here." He chuckled. "Someone's swapped the report of our resident torturer for the blessed sister of Mercy!" "What do you mean?" An-Paj looked hurt. "I'll let you hear for yourself. Any annoying habits? Not according to this he doesn't. It says here, and I quote: "An-Paj has no bad habits. He is a model of sobriety and a shining example to all his fellow healers and Jedi. If only there were more like him!" "Yeah, then maybe I wouldn't have to change Quirida-Xac's sheets." Simeon grumbled. An-Paj shrugged modestly. "What can I say?" "What about this one? Something I like about this person: Everything. He is a darling and an angel of mercy. He has too many good points to list. He is a master of his profession, if you'll pardon the pun. In short, I love this man." "Urgh!" Jemmiah looked horrified. "You haven't sneaked Ferdi Xadaani in here by any chance, seeing as how she's your biggest fan?" "Is she?" "Oooooh, yeah!" Jemmiah smiled as she swirled the citrus drink in her glass. "Room in An-Paj towers for another Mrs. An-Paj?" The healer looked as if he'd taken some kind of brain seizure. "To continue," Mace smiled, "Something I don't like about this person: Nothing! What's to dislike? His bedside manner is superb. He can comfort me in my hour of need any time!" "It IS Ferdi!" Jemmy squeezed Obi-Wan's leg under the table, a move that Qui-Gon had the misfortune to witness. "Now you've got me worried." Confessed the blue-skinned healer. "Helpful advice: He needs none. He is perfect. He is a joy to behold and I would not dream of advising someone who is clearly at the top of their field. Perhaps he should be a little more firm in his handling of padawan Cates. A mild thrashing twice a day would probably be the best thing." "Best thing for who?" Simeon moaned. "Who is this Nerf Fritter?" "Someone who evidently knows what he's talking about!" An-Paj retorted. "I might just have to keep this advice in mind!" "I bet it's Hmiol." Simeon hissed to himself. "Has this person ever done anything kind or helpful: This man is a walking legend. He lives to serve his patients with a cheerful smile and a helpful 'Good morning' as he makes his rounds." "By that criteria he should be dead." Simeon groused. "He is always on hand with his ready wit and a handy bedpan whenever required. I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather have do an examination with rubber gloves…" "Oh, stop!" Qui-Gon pulled a disgusted face. "Spare us the details." "Too close to home, is it?" Gethin Territ laughed. "As close as I ever want to get." Qui-Gon gritted his teeth. "…and is exceptionally kind to the apprentices. Sometimes if they're good they get a special treat, such as smoothing out the bed linen or cleaning up after accident-prone initiates. He even once let his padawan fan him down for two hours when the cooling systems were cooked." Simeon's eyes became slits of irritation. He was pretty sure now he knew who had written this… "Is it true, Simmy?" Meri asked. "Unfortunately, yes." Cates glowered at a clearly amused Hmiol. "Has this person done anything unhelpful or unkind: Not unless you count laughing at some of the amusing cases that have come into the infirmary over the years. Take that incident with the Fork-Tailed Stinger in the gardens… I KNOW HE LAUGHED LIKE A DRAIN?!?!?" Mace glared at An-Paj. "Did you write this, Cates?" Qui-Gon asked with a grin. "No I did not!" Simeon looked put out. "As if I'd advocate beating myself twice a day!" "It takes all kinds to make a galaxy." Meri remarked. "I know who did write it, though." Muttered the dark haired padawan. "Would you trust this person to watch your back in a crisis: Implicitly. Through a Bacta tank." "Now that's healer speak." An-Paj smiled. "We have someone who knows the infirmary very well, I would say." All eyes swung to Leona. "It WASN'T ME!" She defended herself. "Even though you did laugh like a drain when you removed that insect from Mace's…" "Sum up this person in under 100 words;" Mace said with teeth firmly clenched, "An-Paj is simply the best. There is nobody his equal anywhere. He is a prince amongst men. A gentleman. A shining jewel with a scalpel sharp wit. In short, he is a Super Healer. If the force willed I were to be reincarnated I would like to come back as An-Paj…" "So would I." Zac agreed. "Looking after six wives is a task I could quite easily aspire to." "I agree with all of that." Simeon nodded. "I'd like to come back as you, Sir." "Really?" An-Paj looked impressed. "I'm touched." "Yes," Simeon continued, "because when I was nearly in my middle age I could sit down and write a glowing report about how much I loved myself. And nobody would know the truth." Cates smirked. "Except for my padawan." |
 |
|
| A Night to (almost) Remember |
|
|
 |