| ***** "Ok. Explain." Said an utterly relaxed Qui-Gon. They all crowded round the little table in the alcove, waiting to hear what cunning plan Jemmiah had to throw at them next. It was bound to be bad, whatever it was. "Another drinking game." Jemmiah looked towards the bar. "Dizzy? You there?" Hmiol began to panic before he even heard the familiar growl of yet another Wookie making it's way from behind the bar. "Don't tell me, it's the long lost cousin of the first one." He gulped. "You're being silly now." Jemmy sighed. "That's Gussie's fiancée." "I hope he doesn't know you were making moves on his intended." Simeon added. Hmiol barely stopped himself from running into the fresher again. The massive Wookie brought over several glasses and began to pour small fingers of some reddish brown alcoholic substance. He eyed Qui-Gon with some amusement, which made the master wonder if he and Jemmiah hadn't arranged between them to have him stitched up. No. He was being paranoid. Wasn't he? "This will test your Jedi recall and your hand/eye co-ordination." Jemmy looked at Qui-Gon, "but maybe you're not in a fit enough state to do this." "Of course I am." Jinn took the bait. "There's hardly anything wrong with me." Jemmiah considered. This would be sooooooooooo easy! "Fine, if you're sure." She pushed out one of the glasses towards him. "Best Corellian whisky. What you have to do is toast the success of Chancellor Valorum." "And?" Qui-Gon paused. "You have to say, "Here's to the success of Valorum. May he be honest and wise and cover his lies!" "I'm not saying that!" Jinn said pointedly. "The chancellor is a friend…" He was greeted by yawns and boos. "Get on with it, name dropper." Mace hissed. "Very well," Jinn gave in, "is there anything else?" "Oh, yes. You then have to tap the glass down three times, stand up, sit down, stamp your right foot once, tap two fingers on the table with your left hand, stamp your left foot once, tap two fingers on the table with your right hand, stand up again, put your right hand over your heart and say "Valorum! Gods bless him!" Qui-Gon considered. "It doesn't sound too difficult." "Ah, well." Jemmiah's face lit up, "If you get it right first time you get to knock back the whisky and that's you out of the game. But if you should get the order or the words WRONG…" "What?" Jinn swallowed. "You have to drink the whisky in one go and refill the glass and have another turn until you either get it right or collapse under the table." "Oh." "Does that sound simple enough?" Jemmy asked. "I'm not sure…" "Go on Qui," Dex smiled, "what harm can it do?" Qui-Gon looked sideways at Jemmiah and decided the answer was probably quite a lot of harm indeed… ***** Lilith's eyes widened briefly as Jemmiah described the rules of the game. She did not want to be left out of the fun for a trip to the nearest medcenter to get her liver flushed. She and Krelo were a lot more sober than any of the masters, mostly because they hadn't been given doubles at every stop along the way, but also because Krelo and Lilith were cheating. And had been, right from the beginning. "Kre, we're gonna get trashed by this one if we aren't dead sober to begin with," she whispered in Rei'ch's ear. "Yeah, I figured that one out on my own. I'm almost done with myself. I'll do you in a second." Lilith watched as Krelo sunk back into her slight trance, flushing the alcohol from her own system so that she could repeat the process for her friend. They'd stopped between every cantina and done this exact thing to sharpen their senses and make the night last longer. This last time, they had been having too much fun giggling over the silly names they'd been granted from Jemmiah. With so many of the masters so far gone, they weren't the least worried about getting caught at this late date. Krelo unobtrusively laid her hand on Lilith's shoulder. The only way she knew something was actually happening was the fact that the little fuzzy halos around everyone began to fade, then disappeared entirely. She couldn't actually feel the Force moving through her body and hastening the natural filtering process. The end result was that she was sober, but she was also in dire need of a refresher. Together they stood. "Hold on, I don't want to miss this," Lilith slurred slightly for effect. "Kre and I need to go see a man about a dewback." They were back shortly and the game commenced, though Lilith noticed Rela watching them a bit more closely. Rats! Forgot the tipsy walk on the way back!* When she was seated, she threw a wink Rela's way and settled into to watch the fun and hope that the girl wouldn't say anything to any one. ***** Qui-Gon squinted at the glass. It seemed to shudder and blur out of focus every now and again, as if it had a life of its own. Well, ok. The game had proved to be a little more difficult than he'd first anticipated, but so what? He was coping quite well. "Iamcopingverywell." He mumbled as his eyes crossed in the middle and then back again. "Sure you are, Master Jinn." Jemmiah said with an encouraging nod, all the time not taking her gaze from him. Sith, the man was in a bad way and no mistake! "Just maybe next time you should try and concentrate on getting the words and actions a bit more correct than they have been up until now." "Were…were they not correct?" Qui-Gon tilted his head to one side in confusion. "No, if they had been we'd…oh, nevermind." Jemmy shrugged. "Rela? Want to show him one last time?" "Sure. Look Babyface, it's like this." She stood up. "You say…" "I know, I know." Qui-Gon frowned, waving away the assistance. "Don't help me." "Well, if you know it all how come your are sitting here getting as pissed as a newt?" "I am not as nissed as a pewt." Qui-Gon insisted. "And there'ssssss no need to be vulgar. I know exactly what to ssssssay." He shifted in his seat. "Here'sss to the successssss of Va…Valorum. May he be honesssst and wissseand, er…?" Jinn stopped as he tried to recall the correct words. "something about fries, wasn't it?" "Oh-oh-oh!" Rela tutted. "Guess what." "Wrong?" Jinn pleaded against the decision with rounded eyes. "'Fraid so." Rela scrunched up her nose as she watched a monster sigh rack the frame of the usually sober and straight-laced Jedi master. "Doesssss this mean I have to…to…?" He pointed an unsteady hand at the glass of whisky. "Yup." Jemmy smiled. "Drink it down, Master Jinn." "Must I?" He turned the hurt expression on Jemmiah. "Sorry." She clapped him on the shoulder. "Rules are rules. I would love to make an exception for you Master Jinn, but I'm afraid…" "No." Qui-Gon shook his head. "If the rulessss ssssay I have to drink thissss then I have to…have to drink it. Thanksss, though." He turned to Rela. "I really like thissss one. She can be ssssuch a …sssssuch a…pain in the rear but she'ssss my little girl." Jemmiah looked shocked. "UGH!" She said. "Get him to drink that before he says anything else that might embarrass me in front of everyone!" "It'ssss true." He nodded so hard that Rela expected his head to fall off his shoulders onto the tabletop. "I just can't believe how much she'sss grown up. Where…" He frowned at Rela, "Where did all the time go to, hmmm?" "Who knows, Qui-Gon, who knows." Rela chuckled as she made little circular movements by the side of her head. "You know, if I was only twenty yearssss younger…" He smiled glassily. "Master!" Obi-Wan scolded. "Oh, dear. I've offended the other half." Qui-Gon eyed his padawan. He leaned in so that Rela could hear what he had to say. "Between you and me, I'd say he'sssss a trifle intoxi…intox…drunk." "Huh!" Kenobi would have pointed at him if his arms were unbandaged. "That's rich, master." "They got married you know?" Jinn laughed. "Evie will kill 'em when she findsss out." "We're not really married." Obi-Wan insisted. "Not properly." "I still want a divorce." Jemmiah sniffed. "He says when he becomes a knight, the first thing he's going to do is grow a beard so he can be just like you. Well, I'm not kissing anything that resembles a man with a Vrelt stuck to his face." "She really does love me." Obi-Wan assured Rela. Jemmy eyed the long fingers playing with the glass. "Stop stalling, Master Jinn. Drink it all down and have another go." Qui-Gon took his courage, and his life, in his hands and drained the glass. "That wasssSith horrible!" He coughed. "Godssssthat'ssssssstrong! Whatcha got in here? Double'ssss or sssomethin'?" Jemmy raised an eyebrow. "Have another go, Qui-Gon." Rela smiled. "Oh, basssssaladssss!" He swore. "Hey," Jemmy frowned, "that's my favorite swear word. Find another one!" "Maybe you're a bad influ…in…anfluence." Jinn propped his head in his hands. "I could sssswear you're trying to get me - Hic - drunk." He tapped his nose in a knowing fashion. "I know that little game, young lady. I usssed to play it on Yoda whenever I wanted to jump on my girlfriend." "M-master!" Obi-Wan looked shocked. "I wouldn't…I mean I…" "You are a rotten liar, young padawan." Jinn hiccuped. "Did your little trick work on Yoda?" Jemmy asked. Qui-Gon tittered. "Yeah. Why do you think I'msssso fond of Alderaani Rum?" He looked round the bar. "There'sssssome here I wishhh I hadn't bothered trying it for. I mean, take Sssssal-Fina." He appraised her casually. "I have to sssssay that at the moment she looksss quite good. For a perssson of her extreme age. A bit wrinkly, perhapsss. Not asssssyoungasssssshewas. Ssssomewhat passsst her prime. But sssstill pretty attractive." Jinn leered. "But with thisss drink an' thisss light, even a Hutt would look pretty attractive." Jemmiah howled with laughter. "An' I'll tell you sssomething elsssse, shall I?" He beckoned Jemmiah forwards. "What?" She wondered. "That Healer Leona'ssss a bit of alright, don't you think?" Jemmy's eyes gleamed. Success! "You'd better snap her up before someone else does, hadn't you?" She whispered confidentially. "Oh?" He stood up. "Not now!" She tugged at his sleeve. "Later. Buy her a drink or something." "Yeah. A drink." Qui-Gon agreed. Rela and Jemmiah's eyes followed the line of Jedi along the table who were trying to recite their little Valorum speech. Cries of "Wrong!" were coming thick and fast. "I think Lilith and Krelo have been cheating." Whispered Rela. "Is that right?" Jemmy smirked. "I'll bear that in mind for later." She looked down to see Qui-Gon struggling to keep his head from the tabletop. "Wake up, Master Jinn. We're not finished with you yet!" Qui-Gon muttered something into his arms. "What was that?" Rela frowned. "I dunno." Jemmy paused. "But it sounded like it had something to do with surgical stockings!" "Is…is my tongue still there?" Dex asked with a huge and silly grin plastered across his face. "I can't feel it." Krelo's eyes lit up. "Why don't we find out, huh?" She grabbed the Corellian's head in both hands and promptly pulled him towards her with a strength that surprised him, even inspite of his inebriation. Lilith watched as Krelo worked hard to discover just how far to the limit he was drink-wise. It became apparent early on that his tongue was working on autopilot, and that the little grey cells were waving a white flag of surrender. "Yup, the tongue still works, Dex. But I reckon that's probably about all." "Huh?" "It doesn't matter." She grinned. Obi-Wan pouted. He felt he wasn't getting all the attention that he required. After all, his planned night of passion had been curtailed in the cruellest of ways. Even when a male spider was fending off the amorous attentions of its mate it still had the use of its arms! He sighed, and then realized that wasn't going to be enough so he upped it to a small groan. "What's wrong, Ben?" Jemmy frowned, trying to keep an eye on an extremely smashed Qui-Gon. "Hands hurt." He mumbled, trying to look sad and pathetic. "Yeah?" She walked over and sat down beside him. "Poor baby. C'mere." She hugged his head hard against her chest. If she could have seen the smug and contented expression on the padawan's face she might not have been in such a rush to offer succor, thought Captain Demodae. "Here's a toast to Valurrrrrum." Mace snickered, standing up. " May he…may he…oh…no, that's not it…er, may he be honest and…and wise and…er, cover his, um…flies!" "Have another drink, Mace!" Spider poured another finger of whisky. "Well, what's wrong with that? Doesn't the guy have flies?" Windu took the glass hesitantly. "I'll tell you what. Jemmy and I will make it our lifetime mission to find out." Spider grinned as the dark skinned master screwed up his eyes as the alcohol hit his throat. "You do that." Mace nodded in earnest. Rela watched as Qui-Gon stood unsteadily. "I give you….Valorum! May the missssssserable vrelt roassst in hell for all eternity for what he'sssss jussst done to me!" Jinn declared happily as he swayed from side to side. I am so glad this is going on holocam, Rela thought! "That's wrong Qui-Gon, as you well know." Rela slid another glass over. "Who givesssss a tossssssssss?" "Pardon?!" Rela exclaimed. "Weeeeeeell. If that'ssss not what it issss that'ssss what it should be. 'An you can tell 'im I ssssaid ssssso." "I wish I had his money." Windu sighed. "I wish I had his wife!" Dex smiled. "She's dead, isn't she?" Griff joined in, lolling about listlessly on one elbow. "Wouldn't bother him!" Qui-Gon nodded at Berlingside. "Wouldn't bother Valorum either, from what I've heard." Griff snorted. "I can't see the attraction. I've heard he like's 'em young. Makes him feel he's doing all right for himself. But they're not. They're just after his wad." "His what?" Mace frowned. "Money." "Oh." Mace looked blank. Qui-Gon bit back his revulsion and swallowed his ninth glass. "Here's to Valorummm - Hic- and his teenage nymphets. I am so very jealous, you rotten swine." Qui-Gon smiled. Obi-Wan's grin grew even bigger with every passing moment as Jemmy stroked his spiky hair in a soothing manner. He was quite impressed with the view as well… "You OK down there?" Simeon asked in a bewildered tone. "I'm fine, I'm absolutely fine." Kenobi's sigh was muffled. "It's just I wouldn't want you to get lost in there or something." "I don't care." He sighed. "If you do, can I be in the advanced search and rescue party?" Cates asked. "Simeon?" "What?" "Go away." "Right, OK." Simeon lurched away to annoy Meri. "Don't get too comfortable." Jemmiah warned him. "We'll be going to the next cantina soon." "But I like it here." He said rapturously. "It's a sight I'm hoping to get used to over the next few weeks." Leona wandered over. "Can he breathe in there?" "So what if I can't, I'll die happy." Obi-Wan grinned. Qui-Gon was making a last desperate attempt to get the whole thing right. Why couldn't he use the force to help him remember? What was wrong with him? He cleared his throat. "Here's a toast to Senator Marrot, Whose privates were shaped like a…" "QUI-GON!" Rela cut in. "DON'T!" "Why?" He huffed. "Just…don't." She insisted. Jinn pouted like a small child. "Valorummm…here's a toast…to..er…look, jussssst give me the damned bottle!" He snatched the whisky away and drained the lot within a minute. "There, you ssssssee?" He giggled. "Nothing to it. Jusssst like I said." His chin hit the table with an enormous whump. "Valorum, you've just made another young girl very happy!" Rela grinned as Qui-Gon fell to the floor. ***** "Just how many times did he get it wrong?" Leona stood looking down at the large Jedi Master passed out on the floor. She had been proud of the fact she had gotten it correct on the first try and even more so as she gazed around at the group that would definitely be visiting the infirmary before night's end. "I stopped keeping count after the fifth try." Rela didn't even attempt to hide her giggles. "You don't seem too worse for wear." Jemmiah observed of the petite healer. "I'm spending half my time in the fresher. Not accustomed to drinking, I guess." Leona smiled absently. "cccchhhhhhuuuuuggggghhhhhh" The noise startled everyone at the table, causing more than a few of the game's participants to choke on their drinks. "Does he always snore that loud?" Leona's expression froze in a grimace, staring down at Qui-Gon. "Why" Obi-Wan asked lazily from his pillowed position, "Can the healer's come up with a cure?" "No." Leona's face now took on a deeply thoughtful look. "I just normally prefer it quiet when I sleep." she said with all seriousness. Making her way once again in the direction of the fresher, Leona left those not too intoxicated to catch her drift, staring open-mouth after her. ***** Rela watched the snoring form of a passed out Qui-Gon, and she couldn’t help but grin. The way people ended up after playing this game always caused her to explode into a fit of giggles. As she looked around the table, she realized that everyone that had been playing was soon going to end up face down on the floor. Rela then caught sight of Lilith and Krelo and noticed that they had done quite well under the circumstances. She heard some sort of mumbling coming from the drunken form of Qui-Gon and heard Leona’s name mentioned. She bit her lip to keep from laughing, but a snicker still escaped. This is too good! Rela thought. Qui-Gon was in the process of trying to lift his head, but immediately failed, and Rela made the mistake of looking at him. All of her self-control left her at that moment and an explosion of laughter erupted from her. "What’s so funny?" Jemmiah asked curiously. All Rela could do was wave her off as she wiped the tears away. "There is no way he’s going to be able to live this down." she finally coughed out. "I used to kick butt at this game, but I was a professional drunk at the time." "Why is that so funny?" Mace wondered. "Because he’s kissing the floor and mumbling Leona’s name, you are going to be the one carrying him to the next cantina, and I’m going to have so many copies made of that holo that I’m going to make a fortune!" ***** "I can't carry him!" Mace complained as he looked down at Qui-Gon with distinctly clouded eyes. "I can hardly stand up myself!" "I can't carry him, because I'm carrying Kylenn." Dex yawned. "I can't carry him, because I've got two broken hands. And anyway, I'm not budging from here." Obi-Wan smiled deliriously. "You can't walk down the street like that!" Rela laughed. "Try and stop me." "Errrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnuuuhhh!" Came a rather dubious sound from the floor. "He's waking up a little." Griff observed. "But not enough." Sighed Mace. "Can't we just leave him here?" Leona was back by his side and hovering protectively around the comatose figure just as soon as Windu had uttered the words "leave." "No we CAN'T!" she hissed. "She's right, Master Windu." Jemmiah looked fondly at the dozing Jedi. "If you leave him there on the floor with his hair all spread out like that, people will mistake him for a hairy rug!" Mace frowned. "I don't think you all appreciate the seriousness of this." "I didn't think you'd complain." Jemmy replied. "It's harmless fun." "Fun for who?" "Me and my holocam, of course!" Jemmiah twirled Obi-Wan's braid gently in her fingers. Windu became exasperated. "Look, I don't know if you've ever seen Qui-Gon drunk because it very rarely happens. But when we were padawans he had an alcohol related problem." He let his words sink in. "Qui-Gon had an alcohol related problem." Rela squinted. "Yeah, he couldn't stay on his feet after a couple of citrusades!" Dex smirked as Jinn groaned again under their feet. "He did get better with practice though." "I'll bet." Rela said dryly. "The problem is, when Qui had reached his limit, he would start to…well, tell rather vulgar rhymes." "Like the one about Senator Marrot." Spider snorted. "Yeah, that wasn't fair. I wanted to hear that." She bent down and stared at Qui-Gon, yelling in his ear. "HEY! WAKE UP AND TELL US THE REST, WILL YOU? YOO-HOO! RISE AND SHINE, MR JEDI MASTER. WE WANT THE RUDE POEM, YOU GOT THAT? WHAT WERE HIS PRIVATES SHAPED LIKE? C'MON" she nudged him with the toe of her shoe, "DON'T LEAVE IT THERE!" "Spider!" Leona admonished. "What rhymes with Marrot?" Rela wondered. "I'll bet it's carrot!" Jemmiah grinned. "Yeah!" Rela nodded. "That'll be it." "Here's a toast to Senator Marrot, Whose person was shaped like a carrot…" "He's great love of sheep…" supplied Spider. "Made his wife weep…" added Mace. "To say nothing at all of the parrot!" Jemmiah laughed. "Gods, who needs Qui when we've got you lot." Dex chuckled. "Very amusing. But what do we do about our little problem?" They all stared at Qui-Gon as if the solution would somehow supply itself. Eventually, something DID occur to Rela. She walked over to Lilith and Krelo, watching the pair of them as they squirmed under close scrutiny. "You will help to carry Qui-Gon, won't you?" She smiled beguilingly at the pair of them. "Us?" Lilith smiled. "I don't think w are in a fit state to…" Rela leaned forwards and beckoned Lilith to lower her head. "Are you sure you won't have another drink?" She said sweetly. "It's either that or you carry Qui-Gon. Because I am sure that the others will not take kindly to the fact you've been cheating…" "We have not been cheating." Lilith replied in a hurt tone. "Yes we have." Krelo admitted. "OK. So we've been cheating. So what?" Lilith gave in with a scowl. "The others are very, very drunk. You are both very, very sober. That makes it your fault for cheating, therefor you deserve to carry him. Think of it as an honor." "He's as tall as a Bantha! It'll kill us!" Lilith moaned. "You are almost as tall as he is." "But he's dead weight! It'll be like carrying a wine sack!" Krelo argued. Rela smiled. "Which is it? Do I snitch or do you carry him?" Krelo met Lilith's stare. "We'll carry him." They both said together. Dex picked up Kylenn…and promptly fell on his knees. "This is NOT going to be easy." Jemmiah said as she pulled on her boyfriends' braid. "Come on. Time to move." "Must we?" Obi-Wan eyed her cleavage and sighed. "Oh, well. It was nice knowing you. I hope I'll have the privilege of getting reacquainted very soon." "Move!" Jemmiah pulled harder on the braid. "I'm moving, I'm moving!" "This is going to look very odd." Lilith hissed to Krelo as the others began to creep forwards towards the door. Some of them were clearly at the "I'm afraid to let go of the bar" stage and were edging towards the door at the rate of an inch a minute. "What can we do?" Krelo growled. She tried to pull Qui-Gon up by hooking her arm through his, but to no avail. "Arrruuummmmmmmmmmm!" Jinn moaned. "Want the floor. Floor's nice." "This is impossible." Lilith shook her head, watching as Leona hung back for a moment to see what was going on, before being dragged forwards by Dimallie. "Well, do you have any ideas?" "You're the Jedi. You think of something!" "Well…how about we…" she looked through the open door to the other side of the road. "…borrow that giant repulsar skip across yonder." Lilith followed her gaze to the repair work that was going on outside a run down eatery. The skip was bright yellow, garish and very eye-catching. But it had one advantage. They wouldn't have to carry the master very far. "That's stealing, Kre." Warned Lilith. "I'll give it back tomorrow. I'm not stealing; I'm requisitioning it. Do you want to break your back?" "No." Lilith said in discomfort. "Right. In that case, one repulsar lift skip coming up!" "Kre, we can't put a Jedi Master In a skip!" Krelo blinked. "Just you watch me!" She said. |
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| A Night to (almost) Remember |
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