| ***** The group wobbled backwards and forwards: a drunken mass of Jedi atop of each other’s shoulders. The pyramid had grown and grown, starting with Berlingside, Tanni, Qui-Gon, Jay, An-Paj, Lilith and Griff amongst those on the bottom. On the next row, Simeon, Hmiol, Bai, Sal-Fina, Vernice and Letina made up the number. Leona, Ambianca, Depa, Junine came next with Dimallie sat precariously on the top like a demented cake decoration. "Nobody moves." An-Paj said. "We’re going for the temple record." "What is the temple record?" Qui-Gon wheezed. "I don’t know. We haven’t set it yet." The healer countered. At the top, Dimallie hiccuped and the whole stack began to sway. Kryztan sat watching from the side, nursing his painful jaw and hoping that somebody would fall onto Qui-Gon and break his neck. "I said DON’T move. Who moved?" An-Paj was indignant. "Dimallie." Simeon hissed in concentration. "I should have guessed." An-Paj admitted. Qui-Gon tried to move without bringing the whole thing crashing to the floor. "WILL YOU STOP PRODDING MY REAR!!!" Sal-Fina yelped. "Nothing would please me more." Jinn snapped. "Cut it out!" gasped Hmiol. A moment's silence passed. "Did Hmiol just tell a Jedi Master to shut up?" Abran wondered to Tanni. "That’s what it sounded like to me." Hmiol’s master stood watching proceedings with interest. Now, if only he could persuade the boy to show more disrespect! "I’m gonna fall!" Squealed Vernice. "No you’re not!" An-Paj replied. "I am!" She yelled. "She is!" Leona cried as her line wobbled. An-Paj tried to steady them all. "Calm down, everyone." He said. "We’re going to be fine here." "Provided nothing makes us laugh. Or sneeze." Dex replied. The door to the cantina opened, and Qui-Gon watched as Jemmiah, Meri, Rela, that Spider person and his padawan stared up at the display at the back of the bar. Then he spotted Mace. "Hello!" He waved at Qui-Gon. "Sith!" Jinn swore as the surprise made him forget what he was doing. His hold on Sal-Fina wavered, and her hold of her own padawan also slackened, until Dimallie pitched forwards and caught the light fitting. Everyone below shook and wobbled and crumpled until not even the force could assist them in their quest to stay up in the air. A large assortment of groaning bodies lay in an unseemly pile at the foot of Mace’s legs. "All I said was hello." He blinked. "Do you know what you did wrong there?" Mace let his eyes cast about over the winded group. "What?" Dex asked a touch more morosely than was his usual style. Mace sniffed. "You fell." "Oh, how silly of me not to realize…" Dex answered in an exasperated tone. He pushed himself up onto his knees and looked into Windu’s face. What the?!?!? "Er, Mace?" Berlingside blinked, motioning to his head. "What?" laughed Windu, "you got a concussion as well?" "You’ve got a…a mark on your forehead." Dex gulped. "Yeah?" Mace frowned, rubbing his head with his fingers repeatedly back and forth. "Is it gone?" Qui-Gon and Dex stared, horrified. "Not exactly." Jinn hedged. "What possessed you?" An-Paj couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. "Possessed me to do what?" "He doesn’t know!" Leona whispered to An-Paj. "He will soon." An-Paj could see Rela and Jemmiah exchanging triumphant words. Well, this would be interesting. "Let’s have another drink." "At the next Cantina." Qui-Gon said pointedly. He rubbed his shoulder where Sal-Fina had caught it falling down on him. "By the way, that was a lousy idea of yours." An-Paj was annoyed. "What?" "The ceiling was too low." The healer considered that before turning to Simeon. "That was a really lousy idea of yours." He said. "What’s next?" Abran asked Jemmy as she and Meri discussed the magic moments captured on the holocam. "Lucky dip at the Hell’s Chance." "What is lucky dip?" Kenobi insisted. "You know…you’re all given numbers. Boys and girls. The boy calls out a number at random and he has to kiss whoever has that number. Then the person who was picked has to choose the next one." "That sounds like my type of game." Abran rubbed his hands. "But will the masters go for it?" "They won’t have a choice," Spider replied, "not without looking complete wimps." "These games are getting better and better!" Jay smiled appreciatively. "And this is one you won’t be able to rig!" Obi-Wan winked at him. "We’ll see." Qui-Gon strode over to the small group. "Will that thing come off his head?" He asked. "Uh-huh." Spider remarked flippantly. "Given time and bad weather." "I don’t know how you’ve done it," Jinn said with a backward glance at Mace, "but I just have to tell you, unofficially you understand, that I think it’s completely hilarious." "You do?" Jemmiah gasped. "Yes." Qui-Gon nodded to where everyone of the other Jedi, not to mention Lilith and Griff, were observing Windu in total synchronization. "How Mace is going to take it, I really wouldn’t want to say." As Mace walked over to where he’d left the remains of his drink with the intent of finishing it off, Qui-Gon put his hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. "That will teach him not to pick on my padawan." He broke off as he saw what appeared to be some kind of tattoo on Jemmiah’s shoulder, in the shape of two entwined hearts with the words "Jemmy and Ben" written in the center. "What is THAT." His mood instantly darkened. "This?" Jemmiah looked surprised. "It’s a harmless little transfer. Obi-Wan’s got one too…" "Excuse me?" Qui-Gon wheeled on his padawan. "It’s only a little one." Gulped Obi-Wan. "It’ll come off in a few weeks…" "It’ll come off as soon as you get home!" Jinn scolded, shooting Spider an unsavory look. "Even if the skin has to come off first!" "But…" Jemmiah began. "But nothing." Qui-Gon cut in. "You are both having a shower when you get back." "Hey, Obi. You’re luck’s in." Rela commented. "Not together." Jinn retorted. "Don’t get any ideas. The only thing reaching the parts you can’t normally get at will be a loofah." A sudden mental scream ripped through every force sensitive being in the cantina, followed shortly after by a very actual, not to mention loud scream that nearly anyone in a five-mile radius could have heard… "I think he’s found out." An-Paj said to Leona. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! IN THE NAME OF THE SITH! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I HATE BUGS! I HATE THEM!" "Yup," Berlingside nodded. "He’s found out alright." They watched as a hyperventilating Mace danced round and round, slapping at his forehead in an attempt to rid himself of the ghastly image of the giant Fork-Tailed Stinger that was plastered to his head. "How did he find out?" Jemmiah asked. Obi-Wan paused. "I think he saw his distorted reflection in his beer glass." "Beware the sins of drink." Rela quoted, leaving Qui-Gon to wonder whether or not she was in earnest. "Umm…maybe he’ll calm down if we ignore him." Depa Billaba suggested. "My master used to have a tame Yallam bird that would show off non stop if he thought anyone was watching. The second we put a cloth over his cage he piped down." "You’re right." Dexy steered an annoyed looking Kryztan past Jemmiah and Obi-Wan. "Just don’t pay him any attention and he’ll stop being such a nuisance." One by one the Jedi followed Dex outside into the streets, as Mace continued to wail and flap his arms. "A Yallam bird, huh?" Jemmy drawled. Qui-Gon walked over to his stricken friend. "I believe I know the correct thing to say at a time like this." He said to the small group of remaining onlookers. "What’s that, master?" Kenobi asked. Jinn stopped infront of Mace. "Who’s a pretty boy then?" He grinned. "This was your doing." Windu shouted at Jinn. "You put that bunch of Sithlings up to this in retaliation for that stunt I played on Obi-Wan." "Calm down!" Qui-Gon backed off with his hands raised with Leona trying to hold them apart. As Windu moved in on him, a strange groaning sound came from above. "Could somebody get me down from this lampshade please." whimpered Dimallie. The Hell’s Chance Cantina. Everybody’s favorite tavern. Gambling, drinking, swearing and fisticuffs. And that was just the bar staff. It was Simeon’s favorite Cantina because one of the girls behind the counter actually fancied him. Jemmiah liked it because she knew the owner, who plied her with as many free drinks as she could put away in a single sitting. Rela liked it because the regular brawls that took place were highly entertaining, provided you remembered to duck when the occasion arrived. Obi–Wan liked it because he’d first plucked up the courage to ask out Jemmiah in this very place. The memory of what Qui-Gon did when he’d crawled back at three in the morning having broken out in an Alderaani Rum induced rash was not quite as pleasant. An-Paj somehow managed to make the humble hypodermic look as threatening as a vibro-axe… Yet it was an incredible feeling of euphoria that Kenobi felt as his friends, master and girlfriend all hauled themselves through the doors into possibly the seediest looking bar you would see short of a Corellian brothel. Tacky décor, stale smelling air, and unidentifiable stains on the floor gave the impression to the innocent newcomer that this was not a place you wanted to visit this side of all the seven Sith Hells. But Obi-Wan loved it. Jemmiah stepped carefully down the stairs in her booted heels, explaining to Kylenn what the place was like. "It’s a great place for punch ups!" She said enthusiastically. "And pick ups." Simeon raised an eyebrow at Jemmy, which she ignored. "It's a wonderful old cantina," admitted Obi-Wan with great affection. "The tables are missing two legs, the chairs are broken and the walls are covered in filth. It's the perfect place for a romantic evening." "Watch your step though," Jemmiah continued, "Because you’ll never see a more retched hive of scum and villainy." Must remember that one, thought Obi-Wan, mentally tucking it away for another occasion. Qui-Gon and Leona walked over to the bar, extremely aware of the bad feeling that seemed to be pervasive throughout the Cantina. Jemmiah swaggered Corellian style over to the bar. "Hey, Klive!" She yelled down the bar at the thirty something half-breed Corellian who was serving at the other end. "C’mon! Your fave girl’s getting’ real thirsty down here!" Klive Urbaz, who was in appearance as human as the next person (provided that person wasn’t Tanni Welasa, thought Jemmy), was down the bar faster than a Jawa at a droid auction. A lean, tanned face which was delicately structured beamed at Jemmy and her friends, although less so to the latter Obi-Wan though jealously. Wait a minute. Jealous? Him? Nah. He sighed. Who was he kidding? The only good thing was that Kryztan seemed to be preoccupied with his injured jaw, which Dex Berlingside had said the padawan injured in an encounter with several youths that’d decided to take him on in an alley. Hah! Kenobi bet that there were only two at the most. "Drinks for the MASTERS, Klive my dear friend." Jemmy beamed. "Got ‘em all set up!" Grinned the barman with a wink that made Qui-Gon feel uneasy. He watched as Jinn and his padawan reached to take their first drink from the tray. "And for madam?" "I’ll have my usual." Jemmy smirked. "You don’t look as if you’ve got time for that!" Klive insinuated with a smile. Kenobi and Qui-Gon both choked on their drinks simultaneously. "It’s just banter…" Jemmiah tried to reassure them. Qui-Gon looked relieved. Obi-Wan didn’t look completely convinced. "So," Klive said as he poured Jemmy’s flame-out into the glass, "when are you gonna marry me, sweetheart?" Jemmy made a face, which Obi-Wan gratefully translated as ‘not a hope’. "I’m not marrying you." Jemmiah replied. "You support the Coruscant Raiders Gabali team. I support the Corellian Blades. What sort of marriage would that make for, huh?" "True." He conceded. "Oh, well. My loss. When are you going to marry your Jedi friend then?" Jemmiah looked at Obi-Wan. "I’m not marrying someone who never takes his socks off unless An-Paj has them surgically removed from his feet!" Qui-Gon actually snickered at that. "No, I won’t be marrying him. I think we’ll elope instead." Jemmiah observed that Master Jinn was choking a second time on his drink, and Leona resorted to whacking him on the back a couple of times. When he had recovered, Qui-Gon wiped his chin with his hand and glared at her. "Over my dead body." "Attention!" came a cry from the back of the cantina. Obi-Wan looked round to see Dex Berlingside standing on a chair, hosting the next part of the ‘entertainment’. "We are going to be playing a little game of lucky dip. I’m told the padawans know this game quite well, and some of the non-padawans." Dex grinned at Jemmiah, but she didn’t so much as color. "Those of us over the age of thirty might remember playing at as ‘Love is blind’. I certainly do!" He fluttered his lashes at Depa Billaba. "I’m not playing that!" Mace yelled. He was wearing not only a furious scowl, but also a sling on his arm from where Dimallie had crash-landed on him when she’d slid of the light fitting… "Are you scared?" Qui-Gon shot back. "Only of having to kiss…that!" He pointed at Spider, who stuck her tongue out at him in reply. "You are the most incredible ‘fraidy-nerf I’ve ever come across in a Jedi master." Qui-Gon challenged. That was it. "Right." Hissed Mace. "I’m in." "The rules are as follows: Two rows line up opposite each other, boys one side and girls…you get the picture. The person who’s choosing stands with his back to them all and calls out a number from his opposite row. No using the force to work out whom is where! Just to make it fair, we shall keep shuffling the line order each time so that nobody can deliberately pick the partner of his or her choice. Got that?" Mace gulped. One by one, they started to shuffle into a line. Qui-Gon was hoping that he’d get to kiss Leona… "Who starts?" Jay shouted out. "Oh, I think we’ll let our esteemed master healer have the first turn." Dex said with a wicked smile. "An-Paj, the honor is yours. Pick a number…" An-Paj seemed extremely nervous all of a sudden. "You’d think after all those wives he’d have no trouble in choosing just one individual." Qui-Gon said loudly enough to be heard. "Do I get a blindfold?" The healer asked as he turned his back on the two rows. "We’re not THAT disgusting to look at." Sal-Fina sniffed. "Some of us, anyway." Vernice Ashdal muttered under her breath with a sideward glance at the leggy blonde, as the line ceased shuffling round and got into an order of sorts. An-Paj swallowed his apprehension and closed his eyes in concentration. "Six," he replied. "It always was my lucky number." All eyes turned down the female line to number six. "Meri!" screamed Jemmiah in glee. "I…I can’t!" Meri was stunned. "Who’s going to work the holocam?" "That’s a below feeble excuse." Kenobi remarked. "Give it back to Letina. We wouldn’t want to miss your big love scene!" "Don’t worry, Meri." An-Paj reassured her. "I only remove people’s tonsils with anaesthetic!" Meri groaned quietly. She’d never live THIS down. Kissing An-Paj… "I have the bedside manner off pat." An-Paj grinned. Sithspit! "Go on, Meri!" Letina heckled. "I’m ready for your close-up!" Delay all she could, there was no escaping her destiny. And surely her brief encounter would be nowhere near as embarrassing as some of the others that would follow… IhavetodothisIhavetodothisIhavetodothis... She stood just within arms reach of An-Paj, looking as if she were ready to make a quick getaway. "Closer than that!" An-Paj smiled. "My lips don’t reach that far!" "Heh heh." Laughed Meri weakly, as she inched forwards a little. "Go on, An-Paj!" Dex Berlingside looked on in anticipation. "Show these youngsters what it’s all about!" "Thanks for the big build up." An-Paj nodded to the Corellian master. "And now for the main attraction." He reached forwards and gently pulled Meri closer to him, before tilting her head backwards and placing a gentle but lingering kiss upon her lips, accompanied by jeering, clapping and wolf whistles from the others in the lines. Meri found herself thinking that perhaps the thing was going better than she’d anticipated when the kiss ended gently. "Quote!" Shouted Dexy. Meri considered briefly. "You can tell he’s done this before." She admitted. "I’ll take that as a complement." An-Paj said dryly. "What about you?" Mace asked. "Well," the healer replied, "very good for a beginner. Although I think that tooth at the bottom - three from the back – seems a little slack." Not for the first time that evening, Meri blushed. "It’s your turn, Meri." Obi-Wan prompted after Meri had stood seemingly welded to the ground in embarrassment for a minute or so. "Must I?" She smiled feebly. "Look on the bright side." Kenobi offered. "You might get me!" "And that’s s’posed to be the bright side, Piggy?" She replied. "I’d sooner kiss a…a…" "Devorian? Bantha? Wookie?" Rela supplied. "Yeah." Meri snapped, turning her back as the lines began to switch about again. "Which?" Spider frowned. Meri gritted her teeth. "All of them!" She looked hurriedly at Jemmiah. "No offence." "None taken," the Corellian shrugged, "he sure as heck snores like a Wookie." Obi-Wan glared. All the talk about Wookies had given Jemmy a very, very interesting idea… Meri sighed. "Ready? I’m picking number two." There was a muffled wave of laughter as Meri picked her suitor. Mace Windu. "Hard luck, Meri!" Sybelle called. "It’s not Piggy, is it?" Meri asked in trepidation. "Nope, it’s worse than that." Letina answered. "It’s Master Windu, the King of the Stingers…sorry, swingers." "Oh, Sith!" Meri swore out loud, before covering her mouth in contrition. "Sorry, Master Windu. I didn’t mean you to hear that." "Let’s get this over with." Mace grumbled as he walked over to Meri. Abruptly he bent down to kiss her on the mouth, only for Meri to pull back suddenly. At first Jemmy thought Meri was shaking, and then she realized that the padawan was quivering with spasming laughter. "I…I can’t!" Meri gasped, wiping her eyes. "Why not?" Mace frowned, wondering if he’d forgotten to clean his teeth before he’d left the temple. Meri pointed at the tattoo on his forehead. "It’s that!" She grinned. "It’s putting me off!" Mace shot Jemmiah, Rela and Spider a filthy look. "Look, close your eyes, then." Mace huffed. "He says that to all the girls." Jemmy replied, as the others laughed. "You are NOT helping!" Mace said in frustration. He turned back to Meri. "It’ll be fine. Trust me. Just close your eyes…" As Meri did so, Mace leaned in once again. She laughed in his face. "I can’t." She repeated, this time completely doubled over. "Every time I shut my eyes I just get this image of a great big Fork-Tailed Stinger…" "This is your fault!" Mace growled at Kenobi. "You and your little co-conspirators!" "You should think yourself lucky we didn’t get that other tattoo. We had an option on this brilliant one of a courting couple in a hammock…" "You WHAT?" Windu yelled. "Just get on with it, Mace." Qui-Gon tried to speed things along. Windu let out an irritated sigh. "OK." He forced himself to relax. "Let’s try it again." Meri watched him advance on her and leapt to the side, waving him away. She just couldn’t keep a straight face no matter how she tried. "My hic-ups have come back." She convulsed. "I need to go to the – HIC – fresher!" As she ran away, still laughing, Qui-Gon consoled Mace as best he could. "Cheer up, Mace. She’s not the first woman to run to the fresher when you tried to kiss her, and I dare say she won’t be the last!" Mace was not amused. ***** "Ok Mace" Dex Berlingside laughed, watching Meri make her way across the crowded bar, "it's your turn to pick. Maybe you're luck will improve." The dark-skinned Master turned his back in a huff. "Ladies, if you please?" Dex prompted, and the line of females shuffled around. After coming to a halt, Jemmiah counted down her position, suddenly changing places with the person on her right. "What's this all about?" Spider asked with interest as the young Corellian shoved the tattooed woman into her vacated spot. "Just playing a hunch." Jemmiah offered a devious grin. "Ok Mace, pick a number." "I...pick...uh...seven." Mace finally answered. "So, who's the lucky lady?" Mace asked, whirling around to face the line. Without hesitation, number seven took a step forward. Spider smiled with satisfaction, hands on hips. "I...am...not...kissing...that...woman!" Mace roared angrily, folding his arms over his chest. "What are you afraid of?" Jemmiah asked. "I am not afraid!" Mace turned away, giving the impression of a very large child brooding. "Fear leads to anger, Mace." Qui-Gon said with more than just a little amusement. "And anger leads to hate." Depa added. "And hate leads to suffering." came the joined chorus of a dozen laughing voices. "Come on Mace, it's just a little kiss." Dex tried to persuade him. Taking the initiative Spider swaggered across to Mace, the numerous chains she wore around her waist clanking with the exaggerated movements of her hips. "Well?" An-Paj inquired. "Fine!" Mace barked, throwing his hands down to his side. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward, his lips in a pucker. Casting a quick glance at Jemmiah who smiled with a go ahead nod, Spider reached up grasping Mace' smooth head firmly, pulling him to her. With a concentrated effort, she kissed the Jedi Master for all she was worth, while he struggled, attempting to push her away. "Ouch!" she squealed, releasing her hold on him. "You bit me!" she said, rubbing a finger over her tongue. "Serves you right for sticking your tongue down my throat." Mace said indignantly. "You just stay away from me unless you want more of the same." he scowled menacingly. Before turning to leave she swung her arm out, her hand making a firm smack on his derriere. "I never said I didn't like it." she intoned lasciviously as she returned to the ladies side amid raucous laughter. ***** Spider knew Jemmy was up to something yet again. She caught sight of the Corellian’s covert hand gestures in one of the mirrored badges on the jacket tied loosely round her waist. She could just about make out the four fingers she was brandishing. Well, thought Spider, if there’s one thing Jem’s good at it’s having fun… "Four!" Spider shouted out. There came a scream from the fourth contender. "IT’S A FIX!!!!" Yelled Mace. "I’ve only just got back in line! And I’m NOT kissing her again!" "Once bitten, twice shy." Spider mumbled as Jemmiah hid her face at the brilliant practical joke on poor Mace. Qui-Gon looked round. "I think we’ll call a recess whilst the lines have ceased laughing themselves to death." He chortled. Mace looked round and saw all about him people lying collapsed on the floor. "Right." He snapped. "Let’s get this over with." He briskly walked towards the pensive Spider and retaliated by grabbing her and doing exactly to her what she had done to him. But when she tried to pull away, she couldn’t. "My tongue ring’s stuck!" She waved her hands about, trying to get the attention of the hysterical audience. "What?" Rela asked, aware that something was wrong. "I’m stuck!" Mace said in a muffled voice. Jemmiah walked towards her friend and peered closely at the entwined couple. "An-Paj," I think we’re gonna need your assistance. Spider’s tongue ring’s got caught in Mace’s teeth!" An-Paj assessed the situation as quickly as he could, turning to Leona with a wicked grin. "Pliers, please!" He said. |
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| A Night to (almost) Remember |
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